Friday, June 26, 2009

Visited grandma

after eating pizza with cheese fries (i need to find better foods -_-) i went walking, for idk how long, but walked 20 blocks.

listening to childhood by michael jackson ;___; "before you judge me...try hard to love me..."

such beautiful words T_T

made me cry this morning, AGAIN.

When I went back to dad's job, they were playing dominoes as always with their supposed "not friends, acquaintances", or however they say conocidos in english.

then grandma came down and said how she went to check numbers from the money game play thing, and HER NUMBER WON.

but my stupid aunt hasnt mentioned anything about the number, cuz she's one who played the number for grandma. so grandma doesnt know if my aunt lost the paper from the game or if she even played it at all. so I told grandma to call her xD she got all excited and stuff cause she was shocked when she saw her number.

hopefully my aunt has the paper -.-'' so grandma can get the money she won.

then went up to grandma's house, and listened to her speak about her past...

it was sad because all of sudden she listed the people that were her family that died, and she asked "what is the point of living? i've lost my son..." she looked like she was gonna cry but didn't :/ i was tearing up. she pointed to the pick of my mom and bro, and uncle who passed, and then to the pick of her mother. and said how she only has her 3 daughters and grandchildren.

it made me sad, but then she spoke about other stuff that wasn't negative xDD so I guess she wanted to just get her feelings out.

then eventually went back down to dads store. i waited for my turn to play dominoes, then got the feeling i wasnt wanted and just got up saying im going home. i told dad over the phone when i got home why i left and he said "no mama, thats not how it is" and i just rolled eyes saying yeah, but i felt that aura so i left. then we hung up afterwards.

yah for some reason feeling moody, must be the rain thats supposedly goin to happen or im just starting to focus on how people feel about me too much, and getting annoyed being around a certain person who i feel doesn't really like me, or that i like much either E_E

that 'acquaintance' that went walkin with me yesterday, I don't like her much.

reason 1: smokes, and I hate smokers, if its my family members, i just hate the fact they smoke, because, hullo, ITS BAD. and the shitty smell annoys the hell outta me.

reason 2: she looks at me at times in a way that i think she thinks I'm an annoying child, or am disgusting. I don't like the way she looks at me at certain moments, i start feeling uncomfortable and would to tell her off but can't in front of her husband and his brother, and parents.

i would like to see my brothers, Billy and Eric. Was supposed to visit Eric tonight but now dad's all "i have a headache, I'm tired!" then don't promise him to go visit then not go at all -__-

Billy is just goin through hell with my nephew who can be a real handful because of how much his mother spoils him, so even calling him today, he just couldnt wait to hang up to take care of the kid, spoke in pretty angered way too. So I don't think I should even call him at all.


i havent felt this way in a while

i want to cry for hours

but that will just kill me all over again.