Monday, November 30, 2009

Rainy Days~

Zomg, today's monday and its rainy and rainy days make me sleepy D:

Weekend was okay, i went to mall saturday, enjoyed my time there.

Sunday I was down D:

I found out that my high school isn't like OFFICIAL high school of the college it states it is of.

-_- that really pissed me off, because this whole time I thought I was in Hunter College's official high school, I'm actually just in one of the branches of Hunter's schools.

And then I finally realized the choice I made this weekend over my high school in 8th grade.

I made such a wrong choice.

I at first really wanted to go to the art high school, Laguardia. (website: in case you wanna check it out)

and this is movie I watched about the school ->

But thing is, in 8th grade by the time I got the high school book and read about Laguardia, I was too late for the audition. Had no preparation time, and wouldn't be able to get an audition day anyway since the dates were over. So I put the high school i go to now on the list of schools I wanted to try getting into.


I chose a school that mainly focuses on science and math. My two worst subjects.

-__- and when i thought about it yesterday I finally realized what a stupid mistake I made. I don't belong at this school at all. I'm failing almost every class here!

I mostly chose it cause it's the high school that leads to the college I would like to get into.

When I was watching that movie of laguardia, dad saw and asked what I was listening to, and I told him, and he said that I should have thought of that when I was choosing what schools to go to. Because I chose this school just because it leads to hunter college, and that's where my bro went, and that would please my mother, for me to follow his foot steps. But what I needed to do was follow what I wanted to do. Not my brother, or what my mother thinks is best.

He told me the straight up truth, and I just cried saying "I know, I know. I've made so many wrong choices in my life, and this was one of the worst. Why do i always make wrong choices? I always make the wrong choices.."

I cried for a good 45 minutes over all this information coming down on me.

All this time passes, and I realize NOW what I had done. It pisses me off, and saddens me.

And whats worst is, i was hoping and praying that my counselor would tell that yes I could transfer when i asked her if its possible at this time, or for my 3rd year to transfer there.

She shook her head slowly, saying no. I just stared at her repeating no..I would've cried right there...but I didn't even know what to do, or how to react. Then I bumped into my english teacher from last year, Ms. Walsh, and started speaking with her, then my counselor apologized and said though that we can find a way to fit in the things I want to do, and went back to her office.

I walked back to Kathe's office, and sat down and Kathleen saw me (I spoke to her about all this before I went to my counselor Beth) and before she could ask, I shook my head saying bad news. And I told her that Beth said no. and she watched me saying, "she said no..?" and I nodded.

then I said that i just don't wanna be at this school anymore. I really don't...I don't belong there at all...

Then I went onto the laguardia website on the school comp in Kathe's office, and looked under 'contact us' and decided to email one of the secretaries to ask if I can transfer, just to see if there's still a possibility, with asking the ppl at the school itself.

and I'm hoping...there's some chance of me being able to transfer...but at the same time I doubt it will happen..

I'm just going to keep praying T_T

if only I did this when I needed to!

Inní mér syngur vitleysingur

Saturday, November 28, 2009


woke up, went for walk, bought hair dye and bleach and crap cuz dying hair light brown 8D

then me and parents went to mall!! WOOOO

was fun and not fun :O cause mom loves arguing as usual!

got new coat, but i'll try takin pic of that later,





-is so proud of way i posed her- onion head Pictures, Images and Photos

well thats all i got to say now BYE 8D!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

where'd ya go? i miss you so (._.)


Ever dreamed of a loved one hiding in your room?

Ever dream of a loved one planning out your doom?

Ever dreamed of the day that you'd someday meet?

Ever dreamed of the day you'd someday greet..

someday greet them kindly and say..?

say that without them you'd never be okay?

say that without them your life would end?

say all these things they may never comprehend?

Wishing you were there, and they were there too?

Wishing that this distance never separated you two?

Hoping that some day these wishes would come true?

Hoping that someday they would be here with you?

Ever dreamed of the day that you'd someday meet?

Ever dreamed of the day that you'd someday greet..

greet them with such open arms..?

greet them because with where they are.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

I'm already gone~

Today was HELL!!!

yeeaaah, woke up, turned on comp, started hw and shiz.

doing hw lasted till like 5 pm or so..

parents were arguing then they started coming up to room yelling on about how i do nothing for them when i just started cleaning. arguing, arguing, arguing, arguing.

dad's still arguing with me like idiot while i'm straightening hair atm =_= saying im burning it and he's mad cuz i didn't mop his room when just yesterday he said he cleaned it!

oh gawsh. i think my parents hate me XD

mom again spoke how she's giving me 4 years to get my ass out of here.

I wanna go too o_O hell, wish i could leave now, would be so nice to live on my own without them. and when I do leave, I'm not coming back.

Don't need to deal with so much freakin drama and nonstop arguing and complaints.

If they are so upset with me, why'd they have me.

wouldve been better choice to not have me at all if things were gonna end up like this~


didn't get dosage of her again ;__; i think was cause of dad turning off comp earlier so i could pay attention to cleaning.

T_T i miss her!

;^; miss her so much..


i'll go cry later about it xD


the goodbye song for this blog iiisss..~

MySpace Music Playlist at

Saturday, November 21, 2009



hello all xD long time no post.

Well today I went to work WOOHOO (boohoo ._.)

Woke up seriously late though xD was supposed to get up at at least 9 am, got up at 10:22

so that pissed dad off and he kept saying not to bother going but i did, and then grandma came and i went on walk with her O: she made me laugh a lot xD

then when we got back was like 2 pm already, and in the end mom never went home to clean and decorate house like she said she would since DAD wouldnt let her -.- cuz he was mad at me for coming late.

so i dont think going to mall is happening tomorrow.


yesterday i saw the movie precious...WAS SO SAD T_T girl went through so much.

here's trailer ;_;

made me cry 2 times while watching ._.

but yeah, dad apparently didnt like cuz was too "graphic" thats why the shits rated R XDDD

and then he mentioned how they also included the lesbians so i said "whats the prob with lesbians in there" and he just kept talking about how he didnt like movie and mom looked at me smirking saying "what are you lesbian" then i looked at her and said 'what?" and she laughed

then dad said "cmon dont say that" and she laughed saying she was joking

gets me nervous though x,x when she asks me that, cause i don't want her finding out my orientation yet

she can find out when I'm far away from home, living on my own already.

same with dad.

only family member that knows is my oldest brother, and he was cool with it when i told him, just asked me how i knew i was bi /facepalm



bro's coming over this year :O -not one that knows my secret-

woo hoo

annnd thats all i got to say for now soooo...laterz everyone :D

Monday, November 16, 2009


*its not over

the end.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

it's over.

the end.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Wensente: shes not loading 2 me T-T
Guest_JakeJayKay: She not loading for me either...v.v
LoboLunar: who o.o
littlemonkey666: .-.
LoboLunar: addaliz?
Guest_JakeJayKay: Monkey
littlemonkey666: >:I
LoboLunar: ohhhh, was about to day
LoboLunar: like i booted, so xD
littlemonkey666: :-)
LoboLunar: *say
LoboLunar: DAY WTF
LoboLunar: these effing typos!
Guest_PumaKat: tally..we're the only girls (in a way) >.<
Guest_JakeJayKay: xD
Guest_IblossomxD: o.o..
Wensente: xD
littlemonkey666: husband calm yourself
littlemonkey666: its ok
littlemonkey666: *kiss*
Guest_IblossomxD: O_O
littlemonkey666: lol.
LoboLunar: >_> suck my weener darlin
Guest_JakeJayKay: xD
LoboLunar: -takes off underpants- :D
littlemonkey666: *gets on my knees and sucks it*
Guest_PumaKat: plesent alex >.<
Guest_IblossomxD: Wait O.O when did monkey person get here?
LoboLunar: LOOOOL
Guest_IblossomxD: O_____O!
LoboLunar: OMFG
Guest_IblossomxD: x.x
Guest_JakeJayKay: LOL @ TALLY
LoboLunar: ROFL!
Guest_IblossomxD: X______x
Guest_IblossomxD: x.x
Guest_JakeJayKay: I think you just fried her inoccent little mind.
Guest_JakeJayKay: xD
LoboLunar: ROFL
Guest_IblossomxD: x___x
Guest_PumaKat: MINE TOO!!! >.<
LoboLunar: LOOOOL
Guest_JakeJayKay: XD
LoboLunar: OMG.
Guest_IblossomxD: -Dies- n.n
Guest_IblossomxD: x__x
Guest_JakeJayKay: Meh, my inoccent mid went away a LONG time ago..xD
Guest_JakeJayKay: *mind
Guest_PumaKat: -dies too-
Guest_PumaKat: x.x
Guest_JakeJayKay: And so did my spelling aprrently...
Guest_IblossomxD: xD
Guest_JakeJayKay: Gah!
Guest_JakeJayKay: Apparantly
Guest_JakeJayKay: My inoccense was replaced with stupidity...xD
Wensente: xD
Guest_JakeJayKay: =P
Guest_IblossomxD: O__O My Little sisters like "Why are they wearing underwaer?"
Guest_IblossomxD: O_o
Guest_IblossomxD: underwear** n.n
Guest_JakeJayKay: Cuz we're wonderfully smexi men...kinda...who can't afford to keep there clothes on.
Guest_JakeJayKay: xD
LoboLunar: back
Guest_JakeJayKay: J'ai soif....
Guest_JakeJayKay: Wb
Guest_PumaKat: wb
Guest_JakeJayKay: Brb
Guest_JakeJayKay: xD
LoboLunar: ty
LoboLunar: o.o ok
Guest_PumaKat: go drink something
Guest_IblossomxD: Wb o:
LoboLunar: ty
Guest_IblossomxD: xD
Guest_PumaKat: vince stripped ^-^
LoboLunar: vince went shitless?
Guest_PumaKat: xDDD
LoboLunar: LOL OMG
LoboLunar: *shirtless XDDDD
Guest_IblossomxD: o.o
Guest_IblossomxD: XDDD!
Guest_IblossomxD: Fail !! XDD
Guest_PumaKat: xDDDDDDDD
Guest_PumaKat: we love you alex xDDDDDDDDD
Guest_IblossomxD: <3!

Friday, November 13, 2009


well today I was dead tired in the morning at school xD

like I felt it so much today. I was almost falling asleep in history class, then I felt seriously sluggish in geometry.

Lunch time woke me up a bit, and so did gym.

Most hw is in english and chemistry, and I'm scared to do chemistry ;_; and I have essay due next friday in english. GAAAAAH



well tomorrow getting up EXTRA early cause I'm going shopping at costco with guidance counselor for the student council xD

means I'm gonna be tired in morn again x.x but she needs help, so i wont complain.

I'm getting back into old songs i used to dance to, and I think I might start dancing again. I miss it. I think? xD

lately been writing short blogs ;^; i miss having more to write about! but I have nothing in mind now, so I guess continuation of this will--



Now I know what I can type about 8]



xD okay alex get on with it.

Well I haven't gotten my dosage of Mikee since like week before last week D: and I miss her and all, but I keep thinking about the relationship a lot lately.

Like, should I just end it, should I stay with her cause I love her so much, should I forget about thinking that this will last, etc.

One big thought that stood out was:

I should leave her, but I love her so much, so why should I when things are going well?

Its like I wanna dump her but I don't want to at same time!

I think I'm comparing inrl relationships to online ones. Considering my relationship with Mikee is online, I'm having a lot of doubts about me being able to last so long like this. On top of that, I only get to speak to her like once a week, or so.

and it kills me because I NEED her with me like each day. I WISH I could have her everyday with me. But I've told her, even if she can't come on week days like she said, coming on even just once on the weekend would make me so happy.

It would count as my "dosage" of her. Yes she's a drug, got a prob with that?

anywayz...yeah, I've been thinking about all this a lot. it's pissing me off cause I have feeling I'm going to end up hurting her. She's such freakin' angel, and I love her. But it's like, I need more than just words in a window chat, I think that's how I'm starting to feel.

I need her next to me, going to the same school as me, studying with me, eating lunch with me, coming over to my house, dancing and singing with me, DOING EVERYTHING WITH ME!

number one thing ofc, making out

rofl xD

anywayz, thats just whats been on my mind for like past 2 days.

thats it for now, so, laterz everyone :D

Thursday, November 12, 2009

If walls could talk~

Been listening to If walls could talk by Celine Dion and I'm in love with it all over again :D

I love the wooorrrdddssss

check it out?


anywayz today was regular day, I was tired though xD

didn't get enough rest. BUUUUUUT NO HW YAAAAAAAAY FINALLY!!!!

I wanted to start my english weekend hw but ehh...lazyness xD

BUT ANYWAYZ dad's gettin on my case bout doin better in school and ALALALA dont wanna detail atm.

I saw poster while walkin to school about some place thats gonna have titantic artifacts on display O: I wanna see...

might ask dad to go with me one of these daaaays~!


Wednesday, November 11, 2009


I dream of the day
when you walk by and say
"hey, how's it going?"
I dream of the day
when you walk by this way
and notice me, smilin'
I dream of the day
when you can't come this way
but you'll come anyway
cause your my friend, I say
I dream of the day
when you walk by and wave
and I run up to you
say "how do you do?"
then cry cause I'm so happy
To finally be meeting
the friend of over a year
the best friend of a life time
the parent figure that I wish was here..
the comforter of my rough times...
I dream of the day
that you don't go away
that you can actually come over
that you can actually hug me again over and over
I dream of the day
I wait for the day..
The day that will one day come true...

The day I'll finally be smiling, because I am next to you...

Dedicated to all of my dear online know who you are...
I love you all very much
and I want you all to know that...

even if you're all gone...I will still be here...

smiling of our good times, laughing at the bad.

and crying for you, because you've all made a great affect on me..

This poem basically screams out how much I wish to meet every single one of you, and how much I wish...deeply wish you were all where I am.

Yes we are far apart...but it's a small world..

and dreams can come true can't they?

Yes, dreams can come true.

our dreams WILL come true..just believe.

Believe with me, that one day, some day, we will all sit together, laugh together, cry together, and finally be together.


bloody biscuits

today was no school cause of veteran's daaaay yayness.

Homework gets on my nerves though. Almost done, and copying kasha's chemistry work tomorrow xD

english is the most annoying hw e.e...


yeeeaaaah mom called me asking to look up prices of west side story tickets. i got annoyed cause she wants to see a show with me. i kinda dont wanna see a show with her.

and i responded in a grumpy mood when she asked i wanna go, so she got pissed and said "listen you lil ungrateful thing, i wanna call you something else but i can't so i'll call you lil ungrateful in a bad mood? fine then i wont talk to you, have a nice day" and she hung up. I could tell she wanted to call me a bitch just by the way her voice sounded xD

i just called dad to ask him to tell her i dont want to go to a show with her for a specific reason, and he said not him that its between me and her. and i heard her in the background saying she didnt wanna talk to that..i guess in english would be spoiled brat.

she ruined my mood. and I probably sounded angry cuz I was busy doing hw.

but yeah...-sigh- now I'm just angry and i hate when my mood is ruined.



This family has me sick already.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

nothing is there

I'm sitting here crying and you can't even hear me.
I'm sitting here sighing and you don't even look at me.

No, instead you shut the fucking door.
No, instead you try to ignore.

what happened to peace?
what happened to love?

It's gone, it doesn't exist.
Just another thing I have to buy added to my long list.

You think you wanna die?
You think I'm the one to blame?

Step into my shoes,
and swallow the tears, taste the pain.

I wish you'd hear the screaming in my head,
wish you'd try to understand, try to care.

But the only thing from you that I'm feeling..

Is the fact that nothing's there...

Monday, November 2, 2009


ohhh gosh. it's been forever since I've written here.

well then, hi all who bother to read this xD

wonder how you have been doing v.v

I haven't been so bad but haven't been so great either.

was sick last week with some stomach virus (least that's what I think it was) so missed a lot of work and crap, and now I think I have like no time to raise my grades before report cards get sent out. so much bull shit~

got a lot of homework too just cause I got no school tomorrow (cause of election day) And I wanted to do the homework today but I came home in pain with a huge headache and then a bunch of stomach pain and now I just feel wasted sitting here. Dead tired, didn't even do much today...maybe it was the stupid chem test


I failed, needed 15 more points to just pass that crap. on top of that this time he made those who failed talk to him. and he told me, that I need to go to him after school once a week. doesn't matter what I day, i come whatever day i want, just gotta be there after school. And if i don't go, then he's taking me to the principal, and we're gonna discuss why "i want to fail chemistry".

-rolls eyes-

-_- just more stress.

and mother keeps saying i better get good grades for report card if not for progress report and i keep warning that I may not get up there by report card time, and i havent gotten any progress report shit.

I spoke with dad about last week and he seemed to understand.

Mom keeps saying how if i don't get good grades by report card time then I'm not getting sweet sixteen birthday party =_= and my dad said not to listen to, and now I could care less about whether i get a party or not, cause with her around it'll just be hell anyway.


-sigh- im done with typing this.

oh and, good song -V

MySpace Playlist at