Sunday, May 30, 2010

new blog

new blog, made my title the link instead xD

http://nostalgiaeatssuperbwords.blogspot.com/

start following this one instead, i'll be deleting this one after you guys follow the new one

Saturday, May 22, 2010

go go go

http://biflowerpot.tumblr.com/

go here.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Guest_MasterRevan118 has joined the chat
Guest_MasterRevan118: hello
LoboLunar: heylo
xXxTheraxXx: haii
Guest_MasterRevan118: wasup?
LoboLunar: -bobs head-
xXxTheraxXx: the sky
LoboLunar: mah DICK
LoboLunar: rofl jk <3
LoboLunar: xD
xXxTheraxXx: lmao
Guest_MasterRevan118: ???
xXxTheraxXx: LMAO
LoboLunar: wow...sad...dont you know yer own genital?
xXxTheraxXx: nice alex
xXxTheraxXx: XDDD
Guest_MasterRevan118: i know but, nvm
LoboLunar: xDD lmfao

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Ya know, I got a lot of shit happening, and now another prob has to fall on me? I feel like saying FUCK YOU but can't, I feel like screaming, crying, running away, can't say that to you cause you "DON'T CARE" right? WTF IS THIS now you don't fucking care, that makes me sick! were you ever even a fucking friend at all? I'm such a bitch right, FINE I'm a bitch! I'll wag my tail and apologize to you, while you ignore me. Gotta deal with one of my friends avoiding me, with my dad trying to kick me out my own house, and him arguing constantly with my mom, and my grades being fucked, and now with you being pissed at me days after that shit happened, maybe I shouldn't care either! I should just go jump off a fucking bridge and die right? maybe you'll be happy then. Life isn't beautiful, its a piece of shit.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

The Place

I stepped upon the cement, pondering on the choice of whether I should leave on to this journey or stay here with my family. No, I thought, I must go, how will I become the ‘child to be proud of’ if I don’t? This journey was going to be full of risk. Venomous creatures lurked about, and I was not strong even though at times people considered me brawny. I stepped into the bus, and sat next to the window, since I enjoyed watching the sky and looking at the world surrounding me. Before I knew it, night had become one of autocratic power. I looked down at my old pair of blanched jeans that I had on, and became sleepy. Soon…, I said to myself, Soon… When I woke up, we had arrived to the place. People around me were beginning to put their jackets, sweaters, vests on, and getting up to prepare to bring down their bags. I looked outside, it looked like a nice, warm day out. I put my bag over my shoulder then got up and took down my suitcase. Walking off the bus I felt the sun embrace me. As my eyes wandered, I heard the laughter of kids playing tag around me, two woman discussing how certain men mistreat women, young lovers wondering what colors to paint their living room and kitchen, a man who sells crosses scolding a young boy for using words of blasphemy, and a cat meowing, sitting upon a bench staring at me. People scattered left and right, talking everywhere. I watched as two men unpacked a truck of cement. You could see the sweat glistening on their foreheads from how laborious the work was for them. After watching the men, I snapped back into reality and searched for the ‘secret passage’ I came to look for. After a good 5 minutes or so of observing the area, I found it. I walked towards the forest of the place. At first I stopped before actually stepping foot into it. I was worried of being lost, not being able to get out. I wouldn’t be able to contend against anything because of my weakness. Even so, with all these worries, I continued my trip, and stepped in. Along the walk, I saw many strange looking birds, rodents, and insects. I of course, was very humane, and would never hard any of them for no reason whatsoever. I actually appreciated their presence and stared at their illustrious beauty. After some time, while taking in the scenery, I stumbled upon what at first looked like a menacing beast from many feet away, but when close appeared to be a horse on the ground. I only saw its back, which seemed to have a purple glow on it in the spots where sunlight hit. I walked around to the other side to see its face, since I noticed it was still breathing but not moving. My mouth dropped open. One of it’s eyes looked liked it had been punched, and it had cuts up and down the stomach and legs. The horse seemed to have gone through quite an amount of maltreatment, and intolerable pain. Soon as I saw this beautiful, suffering creature I knew what I need to do next. Be it’s savior. Exactly that, is what I became.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Oh Joy

Sorry for not posting! (apology mostly for KitKat) xD

I've been busy with homework and stuff. And also been thinking and been too tired. Soon as I finish hw would head to bed. Maybe only stayed on a few after but it wasn't for long.

Lately also been thinking of what exactly is gonna happen to me this summer xD am I going to summer school? how long? will I get my grades up in time? will I get a job? will I sign up for a summer program that gives me one english credit? will I receive the birthday party I wanted this year this summer? will I do well next year in school considering its 2 years in 1? will I be happy in senior year?

I'm such a failure this year gosh x.x

also i might be getting kicked out my house!

cuz of issues with dad AND MY STUPID FUCKING LIAR OF A GRANDMOTHER DOWNSTAIRS WHO CAUSED THIS PROBLEM

so might have to move in with mom -_-

joy joy joy.

anyway yeah.

thats all im writing cuz im tired.

kbye

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Guest_Hottcrystal12889 has joined the chat
Guest_Hottcrystal12889: hi
Guest_Hottcrystal12889: u cheated on me dick asshole fuck you
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Wensente: wow
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Sunday, April 18, 2010

It's All Coming Back To Me

Today, I went to eat breakfast at juniors again with the parents. Mom said some harsh stuff like how supposedly we're not going there for breakfast again and how next time if we do go she's not letting me come along.

Felt like she was saying she doesn't even want me around

but whatever

So yeah :D afterwards we went to ashley stewart and i got some more clothes with my bday money, and also found out i couldnt use all 4 of my coupons, but only 1 -.-

oh well, still got 20% off xD

got some nice stuff

mom says though i should save wearing the new clothes for when, if we do, go on a trip to somewhere

I highly doubt that xD but hey, maybe it'll happen this year.

UGH DAMN IPODS AND APPLE >>>>>X(!!!

sorry -_- i gotta restore my stupid ipod now CUZ OF FREAKIN ITUNES ACTING LIKE SHIT


this is like the hundredth time already. gawd

anyway, after that went to jcpenny to get sandals, got this pair in two colors :D so sexy

also, bought michael a shirt .w.

i have this really bad feeling though that it may be too small xD cuz its a medium and soon as dad saw it he said it wont fit cuz he's someone who would wear large.

>< im just hoping he'll see if it fits and if it doesnt then well D: gonna have to return it i guess. i hope he likes it.....:3 my parents kept teasing me, and my dad was like "getting that for your bf?" and without thinking i said "he's not my bf, yet" while staring at the shirt, and my dad stared at me like "im sorry...what did you just say?" xD he doesnt really want me having a bf but i think if i were to tell him i had one he'd have to go along accepting it eventually xD


_________________________________________________


that was what i wrote yesterday.

sorry, i forgot to finish and post it.

anyway today I showed the shirt to michael xD it's too small, gonna have to buy a new one because mom doesnt know what she did with receipt -_-

but yeah he at least liked it

BUT i get the feeling he likes my friend Kasha, and it's pissing me off >:/

so i feel like i got no damn chance to be with him

but whatever WHATEVER

yeah thats it kbyenow.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

SHIT HAPPENS and that shit needs to die

Today its all anger so fuck you if you don't care, if it annoys you, i don't give a FUCK about your thoughts right now okay.

I would love to go outside get beaten up and then walk home laughing sticking the finger up to the sky, to the whooole world.

I'd like to get beaten up because?

because I just srsly need to get hurt, need to get all this shit in my head released through that kind of pain.

TO THE DICKHEADS READING THIS THINKING OMG SUICIDAL CHICK AHAHAHA: JUST GO FUCK YOURSELF

you don't know SHIT.

Nothing

NADA

so stfu

anywayz

I don't even wanna type out anything that happened I just feel like raging to the bastards the bitches, assholes in this world. They can all get run over by a car.

I'M UGLY TO YOU, OK, SO STOP STARING

I'M TOO FUCKING FAT, I EAT TOO MUCH?

GO BE YOUR SKINNY SELF IDC ANYMORE

I'M SO NICE YOU WANNA TAKE ADVANTAGE?

GO AHEAD, TRY

ugh, I sometimes wish I was killed in some war years ago

I wish the stupid idiots that makes such fucking sick comments towards ppl without even THINKING would just burn off this planet, just go fucking die

DIE DIE DIE

SHOOT YOURSELF DO ME A FAVOR AND GO FUCKING SHOOT YOURSELF, RIGHT NOW

wish the people I call friends wouldn't act like this, say stupid things without thinking

WHEN I GROW UP HERE ARE MY GOALS:

Make clothing for people like ME.

Overweight, with such low self esteem, I want them to all know we're beautiful.

I FINALLY FEEL BEAUTIFUL, I FINALLY FEEL BEAUTIFUL, FINALLY

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY YEARS I'VE HATED MYSELF FOR LOOKING THIS WAY, DO YOU FUCKING KNOW? I'VE HATED MYSELF FOR 9 YEARS. 9!

so fucking long, its almost 10 years by now, I'm only starting to learn to love myself now though.

UGH and parents? PARENTS

learn how to talk to your kid, LEARN TO LISTEN

cause one day you'll regret such words, AND WHEN YOU'RE CHILD'S GONE DON'T COMPLAIN.

I'm so fucking pissed at this moment I'm practically scraping the keyboard.

I wanna rip something, punch something, even kill something.

Whoever reads this blog, think all you want, say all you want, idc idc IDC

Need to spell it out for you?

RIGHT NOW, AT THIS MOMENT,
I
DON'T
CARE
I
DON'T
GIVE
A
FUCK
OK?

right now i just WISH people weren't this way.

right now I wish I was born in some parallel universe, some place happy.












..............

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Breakeven (Falling To Pieces) By: The Script

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing.
Just praying to a God that I don't believe in,
'Cause I got time while she got freedom,
'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't breakeven.

Her best days will be some of my worst.
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first.
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping,
'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven.

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay?
I'm falling to pieces,
I'm falling to pieces.

They say bad things happen for a reason.
But no wise word's gonna stop the bleeding,
'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving.
And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven, even.

And, what am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay?
I'm falling to pieces,
I'm falling to pieces,
I'm falling to pieces,
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces.
('Cause when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain.
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm try and make sense of what little remains,
'Cause you left me with no love, no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing.
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in.
'Cause I got time while she got freedom.
'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break, no it don't breakeven.

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay?
I'm falling to pieces,
I'm falling to pieces,
I'm falling to pieces,
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces.
('Cause when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh it don't breakeven no,
Oh it don't breakeven no,
Oh it don't breakeven no.
________________________________________________________

siiiiiigh, I know I keep mentioning HER xD but I still haven't really let go. uhhh lets see...well i dunno what to talk of.

today was an ok day

downside of my vaca atm is now all the hw i gotta do

x.x

sucks ass.

im thinking of only doing spanish, english and global :s but im failing so i should do all, just to get those extra points...


x.x ugh im just so lazy atm.

and then SHE comes and disrupts my thinking.

she only got one tear out of me today though.

-sigh- i feel like i need someone new...that can make me happy again, but imo its bit too soon.

so im gonna make myself wait.

and just notice myself wishing to have her back in my future.

Friday, April 2, 2010

One More Time

Well, I didn't post what I wanted to post yesterday, so today here it comes.

Yesterday was reeeaally nice outside o.o warm with a breeze here and there, was just an awesome spring day. Then mom called and asked if I wanted her to bring me something to eat and I wasn't sure and told her I wanted to go out to maybe like times square today

Times Square:
http://sporeflections.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/times-square.jpg

but she didn't want me going alone. She said I should go to ashley stewart (clothing store) to see if they have any jean jackets, or just a summer jacket I can use for the summer, or at least for when it starts just getting warmer outside.

Since I felt like walking, I agreed. But then later on mom had stopped by Andra's parents' shop (that new buddy inrl) and then Andra called saying "oh I heard you finished babysitting yesterday so can we make plans" and I told her how I had wanted to go to times square and that mom wanted me to go buy a jacket. and then she asked to tag along and so I let her.

I got myself this jacket ->
100_0546.jpg picture by Arekusandora225

I fell in love with it x.x they had some other stuff too but x.x I didn't get any...I feel like going back today after cleaning

Mom got mad though cause it was short sleeve but I told her over the phone that it was. xD

she probably didn't hear or pay attention well.

Anywayz, Andra, the whole time on our way to times square kept insisting on going to 34th street instead -.- and I kept telling her I had wanted to go to 42nd street and can't just go to some place else, when I told my mom that's where I was going, I wasn't gonna risk it. ugghh she kept complaining e.o like she didn't say it but she complained with way she acted like she was bored and kept mentioning how there were more stores on 34th street and crap.

and I'm just like xD OMG STFU BEFORE I SMACK YOU

I enjoyed going to times square, I like the views, she didn't even let me take pics of those street bands there that I wanted to take pics of. oh but when I took pics of her it was happy happy joy joy -.-

I was being very passive aggressive with this girl xD (Kathleen may be proud of me pointing this out ;D [Girls Group FTW])

anywayz

later on when buying food, I told her we had to leave at 5 pm, because it's gonna take a while to get home. And she was all "no we leave at 5:20 cause it only took like 30 minutes to get here.

and im all /facepalm, ok latest we leave is 5:15, we ended up leaving at time she wanted i believe, then on the train she noticed the time and how long it was taking and was like "omg I'm gonna run home" and I told her I'm sorry but I am NOT running with you xD my feet hurt and I can't run for long cause of my asthma. and I told her that's why I wanted to leave at 5 pm, cause I KNEW this was gonna take long.

But noo nooo, don't listen to me -.- the one that happens to take this transportation for school.

So yeah, when we got out we only had like 10, 15 minutes to walk down like 4 avenues xD

and so I tell her to call her parents, let them know we're walking down.

She gets off the phone afterwards and tells me that she told them we were an avenue closer than what we really were so they wouldn't be so angry -.-'''

and im like WTF? WHY WOULD YOU TELL THEM THAT X.X

and she said she had to cause she has to be there by 6pm, and if she's a minute late she can't go anywhere anymore alalala blah blah blah and I'm just like so saying we're closer to home than we really are is gonna make all this better for you? -.-

and she continued on with her oh its fine cuz it wont take long getting to that avenue, and that her mom knows she walks slowly alalala and I kept repeating you liiieeed, if they think we are taking to long they are gonna know you liiiieeed,

that not only gets her in trouble but me too! because then they are gonna suspect that I am also a liar and then get pissed at me cuz they'll think I supported her into doing that.

I got so fuckin pissed I swear xD

When I got home I told my parents and they said I gotta tell her not to do that. So next time we go out I'm telling her if she lies again to her parents I'm not gonna wanna go out with her anymore, cause I don't lie to my parents when going places, and I'm not gonna support her in doing so so I can get in trouble too -.- no.

She annoyed me so much yesterday like ugh, that's why I wanted to just go out alone, could listen to my music and not have to deal with this chick's complaining and crap xD

I'm not sure if I wanna make plans with her anytime soon again e_e for now I wanna be going out alone.

I feel like isolating myself from others when going out cause I just feel I need to be left alone.

Been feeling like this since the breakup x'D and I laugh about it, cause I feel like I've gone a bit mad.

anywayz, I guess that's all for today?

that stuff all happened yesterday with Andra x.x but fergot to post and when it got late I was too tired to bother typing all that.

Thanks again to Jesser for that Lockerz site O: I'm aiming for some ptz over 4000, I want a lot of stuff they got there lawl xD

Also had dream with Jesser again, but I feel that'll have to be told to him only :I

ALSO:

I think I'm becoming more girly...

I'M STARTING TO LIKE SHOPPING FOR CLOTHES, FUCK

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Points of the day

1) lost one of my best friends

2) feel shitty

3) want to go jump into a pool of water and stay there to just see how long I can last without suffocating

4) feel like crying but can't?

5) miss someone I don't wanna miss anymore

6) whyyyy do I bother?

7) I regret it all


Alright well today's April Fools Day

I called my dad and told him I'm pregnant and he believed it.

then when I said april fools he was just angry that I fooled him like that xD

It was funny.

and I guess that was the only upside of the day.

I'm done here,

oh and also..

still trying to ferget about mikee, maybe that's why I'm acting so gullible and shit, saying I'm in love with any person that walks my way and says they like me.

Srsly, I need to control myself

My mouth sure made me lose a lot

I need to sleep this off..

fuck my life x.x ugh


Thursday, March 25, 2010

Dadada dadada dadada dada dada

Freedom V2

Come stop your cryin, it will be alright
just take my hand, hold it tight
I will protect you from all around you, I will be here
don't you cry~

Such a nice song xD

Well today was ok, I came home with like no homework to do cause I did like all of it yesterday x.x

got some issue with my friend Chris but I kinda don't wanna type all that stuff on here

just look over your shoulder, just look over your shoulder ~

sorry xD really into that song atm

and well, all i really wanted to do was show that drawing of mine

so laterz.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Gizmo

Photobucket

It's amazing how I've just realized how much I miss you :| 1996-2007

Gizmo was my dog from when I was 4 until I believe 13 years old.

He passed in summer of 07 of rat poisoning that he licked off the ground :/ It was a sad way to go...he died vomiting up blood. And I lost my best friend, my only friend ._.

He was my only friend throughout all those years, since I was always bullied at school and people who I considered friends weren't really my friends. Gizmo was the only friend I had ._.

always there when I got home, always with me, always kind to me.

I'm sure some of you are thinking "oh c'mon Alex, it's just a dog"

Well he wasn't 'just a dog' he was a friend, my best friend. I always played with him, and he was always there with me. And he was here for so long, now he's just gone.

I know it's been a few years already but now's when I realized just how much I miss him.

He was such a great dog, so kind and quiet, only barked when he suspected something was wrong and he would play soccer with me in the backyard, layed next to me in the kitchen while I did homework, layed in bed with me watching tv...

He was a big part of my life I can say, and I just miss him so much.

Today I finally broke down and cried for him, I haven't cried for him since the day my dad told me he was gone. It hurts so much ya know T_T

losing such a great friend, my buddy, coming home to him, I miss that so much. and he's gone, and now I feel lonely without him. I loved him so much, oh gosh, can't stop crying.

I just hope he rests in peace ._. and I hope he's happy wherever he is, and I hope he knows I loved him so much.

I hope I can see him again in another life ._. because man, that dog, he was my best friend in the world. and man I love him. Love him so goddamn much.

You may be gone, and not here to bring back the ball, but your love still floats around it and always will. You'll always be my play pal, my buddy, my best friend for life. I love you.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

This boat is sinking..(March 22 Post)

Lately this week it feels like everyone's dead :/

especially on imvu x.x

I go one and like NO friends that I'm close with are on xD

was annoying the shit outta me, cuz I go on there and then there's no one I can speak with, and I need to speak with my friends D: I get lonely x.x

and I wish a group of friends of mine were the way we were when I first met them :/ that would be Ashley, Vince, Myriam, Kate, Haiden, maybe some other ones but those are the main. and well there's an issue between vince and myriam, and now possibly ashley too cuz we basically dont all talk together the way we used to.

and it's so stupid. myriam is a diff story though -.- cuz she likes being stupid.

but the others, its like we barely talk now :/ way we used to.

like before me n ash got rly close and became friends soon as we met x.x now we never talk, this week i had to msg her first when she was online so we could talk :/ and i feel like now if i dont msg basically she wont bother to msg me cuz she probably doesnt care for me anymore x.x

siiiiiiiiiigh

that'll be it.

(fergot to post this last night x.x)

Friday, March 19, 2010

http://www.puppydogimages.com/pekingese_01_puppies_for_sale.jpg


LOOK AT IT O.O JUST LOOK AT IT

SUCH HAIRY DOGGY

BUT LOOKS SO HUGGABLE...

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW T_T

Thursday, March 18, 2010

In pain

It's been a while yes and yes a lot has happened, apologies for all this silence, it's just I'd stare at my blog, want to write, then lose the wanting after a while of staring.

and yes, changed template again xD

needed a change again.

that sounds repeated..

anywayz!

A LOT has happened.

I believe I mentioned my grades in last post?

well yeah, been doing better, slowly.

But at least I'm doing better -thumbs up-

let's see...well got sick this week

tuesday I woke up not feeling so great, but decided I should go to school and try surviving the day.

By the time lunch came I couldn't take it anymore, so went to office with my bud jasmine and called my mom asking her to ask dad to pick me up. My asthma had been acting up over the last weekend cuz of the rain and then I suddenly got a cold, when tuesday came I guess that's when the cold decided to really kick in.

Everyone that came into the office either said I really looked awful and needed to get home, or asked if I was ok because I looked dead.

I was sleeping in all my morning classes, so I knew I needed to get home, I wasn't gonna be able to survive the rest of the day. My sinuses were hurting and I really needed to rest.

I had mentioned to one of the ladies in the office that I'm close with (Susan [haha, she has mama's name xP her AND the principal e.o]) that I had trouble breathing when coming up the stairs in the morning because of my asthma. And she asked if I brought my pump, and I told her no, (I never bring my pump to school, I don't like using it because you can get easily addicted to that) and she told me I have to bring it to school, and get an extra one to keep in my locker.

She also asked if I wanted to go to the nurse so they can use a neutralizer (if I remember correctly that's what it's called?) to help check my breathing and all that junk. At the time I didn't know what it was, and said I'll just wait for my dad to come.

So she let me wait there while eating my lunch with Jasmine and talking, then 5th period came so Jasmine had to go, bid me farewell and gave me a hug, hoping for me to get better.

I wait all the way till the beginning of 6th period for my dad to finally call the office telling them he's downstairs. Susan took came down with me in the elevator and she said when it comes to asthmatics getting sick they need to be very careful because it's more risky for them, and she said she understands because her husband happens to have asthma as well. So she said I NEED to bring my pump cause being without it is dangerous, cause we never know what may happen.

So I agreed, she spoke with my dad for a bit, he signed me out of school, and she said if I needed to be home longer that she can send home my work. I never called though...

Today I feel a bit better, my breathing is a bit better, my sinuses don't hurt. Still can't breathe through my nose properly though, and from blowing it so much it's cut from the tissues I have.

so it hurts when I touch it in certain spots. Still got the cough, my throat hurts only a bit at times. haven't been eating much cause I get nauseous after taking a few bites of food, or even drinking certain things. Today I ate a bit more though, half a sandwich, and drank like half the coffee dad bought me, but the coffee and sandwich got my stomach feeling nauseous after a while so I started drinking my iced tea and it made me feel better.

I'm probably gonna ask dad to buy me more iced tea later xD

Idk if I'm going to school tomorrow, but I might have to. It's only half-a-day tomorrow, so I'll only be there until lunch time, which end at like 11:09 am.

...-blows nose in tissue-

my garbage is almost full again with these...xD

also, been thinking about Mikee again...I still miss her, it's hard to let go cause this was the real ending. I'm trying to move on, talking to people to keep her off my mind but sometimes the image comes back when I listen to certain songs..

I had a lot planned with her, and now it's gone. Now I feel like I don't know what my future is gonna be. I mean, I'll still be aiming for all the stuff I wanna do when out of college, but all the rest is a blur...

it truly sucks, losing someone you've been with for so long :/

Idk what to do with myself.

well..that's it for now I guess.

laterz everyone

Thursday, March 4, 2010

School

I can't believe what my mother just told me!

Okay lets go back in time to yesterday.

Parents got my report card.

I'm failing 3 classes.

They ofc got pissed, and I'm ofc pissed, and everyone in the freakin world is pissed.

Now she comes to me saying if I don't do good she's sending me away to school and that I won't be coming back until I supposedly do well/finish?

Like wtf, you're kicking me out of MY OWN HOUSE?

You don't even live here you freakin biiiiiitch oh my goooood, i wanted to push her out of my room.

and she said apparently my uncle and father agreed.

I hate her, like srsly, we gotta go that far?

Would be better that I go to summer school so I won't have to be in this damn house.

What kinda shit is this, I'm being kicked out, I swear they should have NEVER had me.

and she's gonna call my brother so they can look into schools that I can go away to.

this is just fucking stressing me out more, she can go SUCK IT I don't care if she's my mom,

she made it official that she doesn't even give a damn, cause she hates me.

Well fuck her, maybe i'd be better off in another state than living here.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Song for the Numb

I once felt pretty
I never felt ashamed
I once felt crazy
But that was all a game
I never treasured
A friendship such as this
I never measured
The meaning of a kiss..

And now you've fallen! You're crawling back to me!
And now I'm crying, cause you were so fake with me!
I can't believe this, these useless words and fears!
And I'm forgotten along with all my tears...

I never once knew
The way you truly felt
You never seemed to care
You barely even helped
When I was crying
I called out your name
But you just figured I'd come back the next day
I bet you never thought I could even stand alone!
I bet you thought I'd come running to your throne
Your throne of dead flowers
And all your lies and fears!

And now you've fallen! You're crawling back to me!
And now I'm crying, cause you were so fake with me!
I can't believe this, these useless words and fears!
And I'm forgotten along with all my tears...

And now you've fallen! You're crawling back to me!
And now I'm crying, cause you were so fake with me!
I can't believe this, these useless words and fears!
And I'm forgotten, and I'm forgotten, and I'm forgotten,

And I...

And I....

And I.....

And I......

I am numb...

Thursday, February 25, 2010

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Tuesday, February 23, 2010



please comment!

(me singing)

Monday, February 22, 2010

pretty wings

"Your face will be the reason I smile, but I will not see what I can not have forever.."

Your feathers were so soft, your pretty wings..
So beautiful, so right, so wonderfully comfortable.

Those eyes looked at me lovingly,
and gave me a sense of this lasting forever.

Holding you...I feel the love sink in deeply.
I never want to let go..wish we could stay this way forever.

Me, caressing those pretty wings...
Long as you don't fly away I am happy.

"..let love set you free to fly your pretty wings around.."

I have to learn to let go though, learn to accept the fact it may happen.

lifting into the air slowly, hovering above me asleep,
your hair hanging down, softly passing through my hands...

those pretty wings eventually learned how to fly..and grew..

question is, shall you stay hovering over me...or shall you slowly fade away..

taking my breath away with you...


your pretty wings...

those pretty wings...

the part of you...I may not understand...but can learn about eventually...if you let me.

"...fly your pretty wings around"







inspired by the song Pretty Wings by Maxwell, quotations from the song.

Pretty Wings by Maxwell lyrics:

Time will bring the real end of our trial
One day there’ll be no remnants no trace
No residual feelings within ya
One day you won’t remember me.

Your face will be the reason I smile
But I will not see what I cannot have forever
I’ll always love ya
I hope you feel the same.

Oh, you played me dirty, your game was so bad
You toyed with my affliction
Had to fill out my prescription
For the remedy
I had to set you free.

Away from me
To see clearly
The way that love can be when you are not with me
I had to lead
I had to live
I had to leave
I had to love

If I can’t have you
Let love set you free
To fly your pretty wings around.

Pretty wings, your pretty wings, your
Pretty wings. Pretty wings around.

I came wrong you were right
Transformed your love into a lie
Baby believe me I’m sorry I told you lies

I turned day into night
Sleep till I die a thousand times
I should have showed you better nights, better times, better days
And I miss you more and more

If I can’t have you
Let love set you free
To fly your pretty wings around

Pretty wings, your pretty wings, your
Pretty wings, Pretty wings around

So Pretty wings, your pretty wings, your
Pretty wings, Pretty wings around

Say Pretty wings, pretty wings,
Pretty wings, Pretty wings around

Darlin,Darlin, Pretty wings, your pretty wings, your
Pretty wings, Pretty wings around

Pretty , Pretty , Pretty
Pretty wings, your pretty wings, your
Pretty wings, Pretty wings around

Someone better is gonna love you
Someone, Someone is gonna love you baby

Pretty wings, your pretty wings, your
Pretty wings, Pretty wings around (x4)

Sunday, February 21, 2010

I love you...

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Saturday, February 20, 2010

David Choi Concert

omg :'D

I saw David Choi tonight!!

it was awesome :'DDDD

i loved it <3 and he sang my fave song by him too :''''D

"Love" look it up if you want ;D

I couldn't stay after to meet him though -.- cause of Andra's damn parents wanting her home by 10 pm. and he said would give hugs and his shirts and albums and autographs and take pics with people ;_;

;________________; now must wait till next time he comes to be able to do so...

NEXT TIME IM GOING ALONE EITHER THAT OR WITH DAD! even if he does act gay x''D

ooo while david mentioned that he'd give hugs and kisses xD one chick yelled that she wanted a hug and i yelled that i wanted a kiss x'''DDD and he said "well, I probably won't go to that point but...still love ya :'D"

XDD ahhh he's so nice would love to see him again in a year or so.
was a nice show indeed.

well, might upload show to youtube, i got most of it, when he was the one up there of course xD his bff Chloe i think is how its spelled, opened the show.

She had a great voice o: I was mostly there for him though xD

and when i yelled that and looked at Andra her mouth dropped open rofl, then she said I'm crazy.

xD hey i warned her when i first met her that i was! so she can't complain! xD well thats about it. will post pics tomorrow, though they arent so good.

oh wait and here's a little raging at my relationship.



Ya know I fucking love you. IF I HAD THE MONEY I WOULD GO TO YOUR HOUSE AND BRING YOU BACK WITH ME!

Like wtf is this silence all about if you're online, isn't first time you've done so!

c'mon!

I sit here missing you, fucking missing you everyday

AND YOU DON'T EVEN MSG ME

WHY THE HELL ARE WE TOGETHER THEN?

just for show?

just so we don't seem lonely or something? come on, give me a break. message me, tell me you love me first for once, be the one to message first for once! hey you have a girlfriend remember? IT'S ME

I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU

I DID!

I FUCKING FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU ONCE I MET YOU!

I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT?

i fell for you...I DID...i wish you would at least try helping keep this relationship alive. I'm not my own girlfriend. You're my girlfriend. YOU.

I fell in love with someone that's amazing. And this amazing person makes me wonder if they even REALLY want this. I wish I could hold you right now but you know I can't. You know if i could, i would be on next flight there. You know it.

So please stop hurting me like this...and say those three words as much as I say them to you...

just say them...message me...tell me about how you're doing, ask about me if you want, then say those three words...make me stop crying like this, make it stop

Make this silence stop.


Ok, done raging. I'm off to sulk.

laterz.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Omg I had a dream with kitkat last night xD

We were on some cruise ship right

And I got hyper singing wedding dress by Taeyang.

I was dancing around singing so loud xDD and kitkat laughed at me

All that started cuz I saw BigBang on the ground next to our ship dancing and singing that song.

I went nuts xD was so fun though.

Goes to show just how sexual and hyper kitkat gets me rofl XD

She is mah candy after all :'D

Ok that's it
Laterz xD

Monday, February 15, 2010

Dirty Candy.

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Sunday, February 14, 2010

The Art Is Slowly Coming Back.

Bride To Be.

Bride To Be

Freedom.

Freedom

Cloudy.

Cloudy

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Do The Panic

I'm sick again boooooooo.

Omg tomorrow is the day of love

oh joy x.x

That means grandpa's birthday. So since I probably can't go to visit him and my aunt at the cemetery, I'm gonna go to the church for him after my parents come back from their lovey dovey breakfast e.o.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii will ofc be alone this valentines, as always.

what's that? do I still have a gf?

well YEAH but she's never on v.v

so there won't be any love for me xD

v.v siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh I wish she would at least msg me

saw her online on fb earlier this week and i messaged her but then she went away, in the end I never got messaged back.

drives me crazy, but what am I gonna do.

I need to go over there and rape her.

anywho~

I'm getting sleepy since I'm sick oh no Dx

got so much body ache, time to time headaches. Not eating much either.

scares me a bit. Though the less eating thing I'm proud of.

I was gonna try getting these things called "slimshots" and its like some lil drink in a cup and its supposed to help with keeping you from being hungry for 8 hours and helps with losing weight o.o

but when i went to site you gotta order and for like a supply of 2 months its 60 bucks e.e and I haven't found a store that sells them yet, but I get the feeling that I shouldn't get them.

I've read comments, most say the taste isn't great and only read like 2 or 3 comments of ppl saying it didn't work for them.

v.v ok alex -smacks self- snap out of it

I don't wanna get tempted into trying a bunch of stuff for my weight.

ahhhhh im turning 16 soon Dx i feel old.

i want a lot of stuff I can't get just YET xD

like like like...PLAY STATION 3 TTT___________TTT WITH BIOSHOCK 2


UUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WISHIHAD300FREAKINBUCKS

v____v

I am so buying no more heroes 2 when it comes out right after my birthday though >8D that game looks SOOO fun

its funny too x'D

dad's gotta come buy it with me though ;o since its rated M lmao

@0@ hm hm hmmmm

my ipod acted dumb today so had to restore

i think its cause i accidently pushed it off my bed in my sleep xD cause i fell asleep while talking to vikki and vince

funny how their names both start with v right?

haha

VAGINA

anywayz

I guess thats about it for now.

I need a life.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Obstacle 1

Hey hey everyone :o haven't posted in a while again.

the other day I was thinking of listing things I rage at.

And now I've forgotten the number 1 thing I wanted to post on here that I rage at xD

well lets see...

I hate when people talk to me like they know how I feel.

Example: Was talking to some "friends" inrl I go to school with about my weight prob right and how I was feeling, then Rebecca decided to say "Well Alex, if you're so unhappy, why don't you DO something about it."

And I just suddenly got pissed and told her "It's not that easy when you got people telling you everyday just how fat you are and make you feel like you can't do anything right"

and I continued on saying how I can't really afford a gym right now and then jasmine said exercise at home and I said my problem is I have no confidence, Rebecca said something after that e.e I ferget what.

But yeah, I just raged, and in the end said look lets just stop talking about it now. I guess its cause I can't stand to hear the truth.

Another thing that gets me going, doing things that annoy me constantly knowing it annoys me. xD

example: Kemar at school, ALWAYS interrupting me when he sees I'm speaking with someone -.-'' rude much?

sounds like 2 year old

"alex alex alex alex alex alex alex alex -pokes 300 mother fuckin times-"

What else...

When people -COUGHMOMANDDADCOUGH- try taking some of my food when I'm eating and hungry.

Now when I'm hungry, I'm angry xD

and that anger won't leave till I've finished eating and I'm full.

and dad likes trying to steal my fries and such at times and I end up smacking his hand and glaring and yelling "stop" and alalalala

x'''D and then whats funny is they decide to get mad at ME when they are the ones causing the issue!

HULLO? STOP TOUCHING MY FOOD AND MAYBE I'LL STOP PISSING OFF?

Another thing...like on imvu, when people automatically get called noob cuz they don't have other clothes besides imvu's stuff, or cause they look like they are a noob, or cause of something they like, etc. that's not their whole personality xD

if they ACT like a noob, thats different story. Some can be annoying and all, but others are pretty nice.

once you actually start talking to them.

I also dislike when...example: someone says they hate their mother or father or sister brother whatever, and then others tell them they shouldnt.

We don't know what that person goes through, they have a reason o.o

like I was in the old garden yesterday, and this guy i recently met there said his mom was a bitch, and this chick I met there too recently called him a jerk saying that he shouldnt be like that with his mom and that he's mean and evil e.e

and I'm just sitting here reading all this and then tell them ya know, back off, we don't know what he goes through, he has his reasons.

and he was all "THANK YOU AREKK, THANK YOU!" xD rofl

anywayz i think I'm good with the rage stuff.

I made an account on that question site o: since I see kat and jesse and lizz on there and it looks pretty fun sooo.

here's my link :3

http://www.formspring.me/biflowerpot

ask me some questions and i'll be glad to answer :D

hmmmm this week I kept breaking up and then getting back together with Mikee. lawl.

I went from:

I dont think I can take this anymore Dx

to:

I'm sorry i take that all back forget it

to:

ok I wanna know where this is headed cause it seems like we're not even really together considering we can barely talk and idk if i can rly continue like this its killing me

to:

ugh forget it again. I love you too much.



lmao, im such a freakin idiot xD

in the end I'm always running back so idk why the fuck i bother!

when she reads all those msgs she's gonna probably cry again V_V then stay calm again and start apologizing like crazy xD

I understand she's got school n junk, but I wish my relationship was kinda like Jesse's.

Speaking to her everyday would be REALLY nice. Way it used to be.

but then NEW SCHOOL decided to fuck with me -.-

uuuggghhhhhhh

whatever, I gotta be patient.

I love her, and wanna stay with her, question is can I really survive this v_v.

meeh.

I swear I need to go over there >:I wish I had the damn money, AND WISH HER PARENTS LET HER COME HERE.

ahhhhh ok anyway xD

watch this dance :O its sexy



wish I could dance like that. I don't remember if I showed this on here already but xD oh well.

That's all for now! OH and got 2 new drawings, but i'll scan them tomorrow or something, laterz. :3

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Suicide?

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”

“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.”

“I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”


ROFL XD

Friday, January 29, 2010

Was a good day, been a while since it was a good day~

was supposed to hang with an old buddy of mine today :O but she had to cancel cause her dad said he wasn't taking her at last minute -.-''

So instead, like mom suggested, I called Andra (new buddy I recently got in contact with cause of my mom xD) and asked if she wanted to hang, and we did :'D

went to Barnes N' Noble, looked at a BUNCH of journals xD cause she had to buy one, and then i got 3rd volume of dramacon Emoticon Pictures, Images and Photos

we went to sephora afterwards xD then to eat something rl quick, then i got creds from best buy, and flyer, and then flyer from pc richards for dad xD

then came home all happy 8D and going out with her again tomorrow! she's gonna teach me how to do my laundry first though XD

ohhh gosh loool

and well, just finished getting phone call from mom right! and and ;_;

she said some srs touching things man! got me crying, and she cried too!

was telling me how in life i shouldnt get so angry at certain things, just gotta keep walking like nothing with head high and stuff, and that i gotta love myself, and forget about those who come into my life and hurt me, also gotta be careful as to not get used and abused.

she was apologizing for the things she's said to me when angry and said how she knows i probably go around saying "mom's a bitch" and alalala, and that she hurts me cuz she says things without thinking and stuff but that i gotta know she loves me, and will always be there no matter what.

and then she started saying how things are pretty bad and how she feels so bad cuz cant even make sweet 16 party like i wanted ._. and said how will try to make something for me in the summer cuz my bro will probably still help her out. told me how she knows im a good kid and wants me to stay that way and that later on in life when i get a bf or even a gf, whichever way i choose to live my life, for me not to let myself get used, and that to know im always there for her and she said as long as im happy it doesnt matter path i choose ._. (referring to bf/gf thing)

all this was making me cry ;__;

and i have the feeling now that if i end up telling her im bi, she would actually accept!

;____; cuz of that comment she made...

;__________; she made me cry so much man, and for the first time in a like a year, i told her i love her after she said she loves me.

T_T was such touching moment!


was a great day in all basically.

:''3 I'm happy, and its been a while since I've been this way.

now off to searching for cute emotes for me and jesse! 8D

untill next time~ cya ;D!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

xArekkusux: what time u have to get up?
Guest_EZTouch: 8 am?
Guest_EZTouch: my exam is 9:30 am
xArekkusux: x.x.....
Guest_EZTouch: my bodys use to low levels of sleep its just my vision blurs and my eyes turn bloodshot
Guest_EZTouch: but hey its the life of a procrastinator
xArekkusux: wowz...
Guest_EZTouch: yup how old r u two?
xArekkusux: 348
Guest_EZTouch: 34?
xArekkusux: nope, 348
Guest_EZTouch: three hundred and fourty eight?
xArekkusux: yes, must i say it again?
Guest_EZTouch: haha
Guest_EZTouch: cut me a break actually how old r ya
xArekkusux: i just told ya man O:
Guest_EZTouch: lol k fine
Guest_EZTouch: 348 it is
Guest_EZTouch: vampire?
xArekkusux: :3 pfft
Wensente: lolz
xArekkusux: no, just a walking zombie 8]
Wensente: >.<

boo

im in one of those break up phases again, oh joy.

well, hey everyone o:

I've been reading dramacon, as i think most of you know by now, and its inspired me to make my own story.

I'm gonna put myself into the main character, using already a bff of mine's personality in another main character, might use Kat's personality as well o: thinking of using a few more buddies of mine, and putting them into characters i'll eventually come up with.

Its like manga thing I'm doing, so drawing, and drawing, and drawing xD only got a page and a half though, not as quick as I used to be, since it's been a whiiiile since I've done a manga.

I've named it crush, just can't think of a cover xD

since it might be a while before I get to finally show some pages on here, I've decided to type it out.

SO here goes~

{Crush}
.........


The "I love you"s between us were only the for between friends kind. Why should I care? We're both taken....

"CAITLIN!!!"

"zzzzzZZZZZZZZ"

"pssssst! Caitlin, wake up before she throws a text book at you!"

I opened my eyes slowly, blinking, feeling so dazed from my dream.

"...I'm up" I said, sitting up yawning, then looking towards the side at Devon.

"Told you go to bed early", he said looking at our teacher yell at me while I completely ignored her.

"Yeah, yeah. I know, jeez"

"Next time listen."

"Ok, I will Devon" I rolled my eyes, now hearing what Ms. Anger Management Issues was saying LOUD and CLEAR.

"ARE YOU LISTENING CAITLIN?!?!"

"Yes M'am!" I put on a face acting as if I knew every word she said.

Freakin' kids!...She thought to herself frowning at Caitlin, then turning back to the board and continuing the lesson.

I looked at Devon, he was my best friend...and I've been getting the feeling that I like him.

Though, even if he liked me back, we both knew we couldn't.

I have a girlfriend, and he does too. Most of my friends knew by now, I'm bi and have a girl who's great...but slowly that love's been fading away.

And I feel we barely know each other anymore...so I have no idea what's going to happen but, we'll see...

...............................................................

That's all I'm writing for now :D please comment on what you think of it, would be awesome~ :3

thats all, laterz.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Test Results

Introverted (I) 55.88% Extroverted (E) 44.12%
Intuitive (N) 55.56% Sensing (S) 44.44%
Feeling (F) 68.75% Thinking (T) 31.25%
Perceiving (P) 54.29% Judging (J) 45.71%


INFP

creative, smart, idealist, loner, attracted to sad things, disorganized, avoidant, can be overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings, prone to quitting, prone to feelings of loneliness, ambivalent of the rules, solitary, daydreams about people to maintain a sense of closeness, focus on fantasies, acts without planning, low self confidence, emotionally moody, can feel defective, prone to lateness, likes esoteric things, wounded at the core, feels shame, frequently losing things, prone to sadness, prone to dreaming about a rescuer, disorderly, observer, easily distracted, does not like crowds, can act without thinking, private, can feel uncomfortable around others, familiar with the darkside, hermit, more likely to support marijuana legalization, can sabotage self, likes the rain, sometimes can't control fearful thoughts, prone to crying, prone to regret, attracted to the counter culture, can be submissive, prone to feeling discouraged, frequently second guesses self, not punctual, not always prepared, can feel victimized, prone to confusion, prone to irresponsibility, can be pessimistic




favored careers:
poet, painter, freelance artist, musician, writer, art therapist, teacher (art, music, drama), songwriter, art historian, library assistant, composer, work in the perfoming arts, art curator, playwrite, bookseller, cartoonist, video editor, photographer, philosopher, record store owner, digital artist, cinematographer, costume designer, film producer, philosophy professor, librarian, music therapist, enviromentalist, movie director, activist, bookstore owner, filmmaker

disfavored careers:
business professional, manager, executive, administrator, business owner, supervisor, office manager, business analyst, financial analyst, public relations manager, ceo, executive assistant, judge, event coordinator, lawyer, office worker

Sunday, January 24, 2010

http://funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/166584/How+often+eh+is+said/

ElOhEl

x3

new song to enjoy~


Friday, January 22, 2010

played. streaming. buffering. paused. played. stopped.

been so emotional this week.

it's killin me.

my dad came home upset yesterday cause apparently mom told him the only reason she's still around is because of me, cause im not grown up yet. and that if it wasn't for me she would've been gone a long time ago.

I was shocked when he told me this, shocked because she would actually say that to him not even thinking of how much those words can hurt.

then he got pissed at me cause I apparently answered with an attitude last night while he asked for the toilet thingy for grandma and I said something like "well idk what I'm saying either" when he asked where it was and where i said it was or something like that x.x

then he started yelling at me saying I'm just like mom and that he doesn't need my help so he sent me up to my room.

Pretty stupid cause I didn't even intentionally mean to respond with "an attitude"

today he started saying how I should move in with mom and grandma cause he can't take it anymore and just needs to go else where with my grandmother and yada yada yada yaaaaa

I told him I'm not going with her. I'll just go to my godmother's place, or to my aunt's, or even to my brother's place.

he said I'm too young and someone needs to take care of me and that has to be my parents cause no one else is gonna take me in and I told him repeatedly that I would instead go kill myself so no one has to deal with me, because living with her would be living in hell, with the way she talks to me, takes her anger on me, I wouldn't survive.

I'm about to start crying again.

anyway, the good stuff today was michael walking me home, I got to introduce him to my parents first at dad's store then he came over and met my grandma, let him meet my dog as well xD

it was funny cause kippy kept tickling him when playing.

we drank apple juice together, then showed him my room, and ipod touch, he played rockband on it for a bit, then he played gh world tour on drums, then i joined him on guitar when I found batteries for the other remotes.

we sang together while playing xD

and I kept playing with his hair during breaks cuz it's just so fuzzeh >w< but he's getting it cut this weekend as always so no more fuzzehness on monday.

We had fun, dad appeals of him, mom embarrassed shit outta me though -_-

when we were at the store she shook his hand and said to him "Michael?" he nodded, she continued, "Ohhh Michael, you're a handsome one"

and I twitched, cause I really, REALLY, did NOT expect that.

they were playing dominoes and dad said to her to pay attention and then he joked with michael saying "look what you're doing to my wife, don't take her from me" and he laughed

mom then said something like "I wouldn't mind he's very handsome" -.-'''

She went STRAIGHT ON flirty e____e SICK MAN, SICK.

dad thanked michael for walking me home and mom had called him a gentleman for that x.x

when we left to go to my place he said "that had to be the most flirtatious moment I've ever been in"

I was so embarrassed.

luckily he didn't mind.

now i miss him cause he's like the kinda guy bud i always needed inrl. v.v nice, a gentleman indeed, and just plain easy to talk to :I

this morning i had said something about leaving the school cuz stupid security guards made me throw out my water bottle cuz it was unsealed -.-'''

I got pretty pissed considering its required for me to drink water, 5 bottles a day at the least.

and I freeze mine so it can last longer.

but anyway, when I said that he said no, and i said why no one would miss me anyway

and he said that's not true, that he would v_v

"...really?"
"yes." and he smiled at me warmly.

he's always smiling xD gawsh

makes me wonder if he's ever frowned, i've only see him be serious at times, but no frowning whatsoever.

ooo, i got new mangas btw.

it's been a while.

got four-eyed prince yesterday, read it yesterday, it was funny and good.

and got dramacon today, finished it almost an hour ago, it was really good, i wanna continue buying the other books to the series for both of them. four-eyed prince i think is a pretty recent one though, cuz there was only copies of 1 at barnes n noble, and also it mentioned on one of the pages that i could go to some site to check out when the 2nd one comes out.

well i guess that's about it now.

gnight all, im gonna head to bed

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Help Haiti

Today, after school, we had a Haiti Rally.

About 7 or 9 of us stood on a corner a block away from school holding up posters with numbers to text words to so ppl can donate 10 dollars to an organization that's helping Haiti with their situation.

During that Rally while chanting and asking ppl to donate, I've learned...

there's A LOT of ignorant people in this world. xD

and it's sad

one guy got annoyed with me asking him to donate to Haiti, and he mumbled "omg there's so many of these already" and kept walking and I asked him to please donate, he could save a family, they have nothing over there and they need the help.

while he was walking away I watched, and he gave a thumbs up as I yelled to him, then stuck the middle finger at me

OMG I RAGED XD

I yelled "YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK YOU TOO, FUUUUCK YOU, I HOPE THE SAME THING HAPPENS TO YOU AND YOU REGRET DOING WHAT YOU JUST DID" I was yelling at him so much my voice cracked, since I'm still getting over my cold and crap.

Harold, and Kemar had to try calming me down and asked wth happened, then junior came while I told them what happened, and junior asked who it was, and i pointed out the dude, and he was heading towards him like he was getting ready to kill the guy o_o

Kemar told me later on on fb about how had he not told junior to chill, he might have gone and raged at the guy xD

but we continued on ranting, no matter how many people ignored us, said they already donated, rolled their eyes at us, or just walked away not giving a damn.

It's a harsh world kids xDD

I'm glad I had this experience though, it opened my eyes as to how so many people can be.

Those who donated are the ones who deserve the applause..

just goes to show how evil and how good people can be.

Giving to those who have nothing, is a great thing to do..

If you'd like to donate,

please text "save" to the number 20222

Or Text "Haiti" to the number 90999

$10 will be charged on your next bill and automatically sent to the Save The Children and American Red Cross Foundations, and that money will be used to help out Haiti whether with food, water, or even help with the rebuilding of their homes.

To find out others, you can go here: http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2007/impact/?hpt=T1

scroll down and click on whichever link and you will get the info on where to text/send donations.

Let's hope things change for the better instead of getting worse.

Monday, January 18, 2010

bah humbug

woke up today to a loud speaking mother who disrupted my dream. which took place in school and had something to do with vocab hw o.o

moving on~

I've been wanting to get back into my aaarrrtttt, had only one pic in my head, still haven't finished it, havent looked at it since yesterday x.x

I'm thinking of getting some more colored pencils, and doing some type of water color thing with them.

the old, dip in water, shake, and color routine. I fergot exactly which school i learned that in BUT DOES IT EVEN MATTER ANYMORE..

noooo v.v

I miss designing clothes, I still wanna make my dream prom/sweet sixteen or
quiceañera

well not exactly make, more like draw it out, carefully, and try getting as close as i can to how i imagine it.

Bet that won't happen anytime soon xD

I'm bored atm, feel irritated for some reason.

my shoulder hurts a bit and my runny nose has been annoying me all day -.-

I HOPE THIS WEEK GOES BY FAST

only got four days of school this week, then monday after that I'm off from school tille feb 1st.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAY

I'm worried about my grades.

and stuff..

stressing over feeling like I know nothing that I'm taught in class x.x

ANYWAY ENOUGH DOWN STUFF

bleh idk what to talk about now x.x well, laterz i guess

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I'm so hard~

I'm addicted to the song Hard by Rihanna now! been playing it on repeat a lot rofl.

Well today school was tiring as usual this week. THANK GAWD FOR NO SCHOOL MONDAY WOOT.

And guess what kids?!

Yes Ms. Alex?!?!

MR. ROSSER'S AN ASSHOLE! :'D

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!

=_= he really is...

I gave him that key chain for christmas that mom n dad forced me to give to all teachers after the break.

Today one of the seniors (whom btw, is one hot asian..) came to see him rl quick, then saw the key chain on the desk, grabbed it and complimented it on how nice it was and stuff. I noticed the key chain was still in the plastic it was when i gave it to Rosser 2 weeks ago, it was to protect before he used it and stuff.

Then he told the senior "oh you want it? you can take it, cause I never wanted it in the first place"

I just stared at him, I didn't even know how to react. Then Rosser turned and saw me staring and the look on his face, I think he knew just what stupid shit he pulled.

I shook my head and said "Ya know Rosser...that's just really messed up how you had to say that in front of me, it would've been better when I wasn't around."

And he said "Oh, I had forgotten who had given it to me, and it's a heavy key chain anyway"

Wtf? It's heavy? Some excuse.

So I said "then give it back to me since you don't want it, I'll take it back." and It was being passed around the table in front of him, the girls were looking at it, then when Steph got it, she gave it to me and I put it in my bag.

Seriously, in my opinion, that was down right disrespectful. At least have the dignity of saying that stuff when I'm not there. The day I gave it to him he kept going "AWWWWW" and acted so happy about it. So when I heard that I was just shocked.

Now he's not getting shit from me

Sure I'll be doing my work in class and be respectful, but I'm not gonna look at him the same way.

I thought he was a person who joked around a lot at first, but I noticed, he's just a bastard.

He even complained today on how he hates kids, and I asked him "then what are you doing here?" and he said "the money, and the summers I get off"

=_= dude, go get a job you actually like, you have to deal with us for the rest of the year. He also claims that he hates our class, why not gtfo then.

I dislike him so much now, and at first I thought he was pretty okay, just had some moments of playing around too much. Now, I know what he's really like. He even gossips badly about other teachers then puts the angel act on when around them. So, I actually shouldn't be so surprised. With way he calls Ms. Moore, Ms. Morey, and Ms. Riordan the 3 bitches then acts like best friends with them when he sees them -.- and how he sticks middle fingers at his own students slyly -_-'' and how he puts them down too not thinking of how they may feel.

Joking is one thing, but at times he goes a bit too far.

Like with mah asian son Jia.

Full Name: Jia Du.

Rosser's version of his name: Jia Don't -> cause apparently he "don't do nothin"

-_- and everyone laughs at him and talks about him as if he's completely stupid.

So he isn't great at chemistry, who the fuck cares, I'm sure everyone else in that class has an issue with at least one class, perhaps that one itself -.-

bleh...Rosser just reminds me of the stupid bullies in elementary school...They care about no one but themselves, and their reputation.

perfect song atm?

FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU VERY VERY MUUUUUUUUCH~ fuck you by lily allen :D

go listen~

or...listen here?


MusicPlaylistRingtones
Music Playlist at MixPod.com



:3 laterz~

Sunday, January 10, 2010

lord, god, jesus christ, someone take me out

gawd, every weekend i hate it!

Can't wait to be out of this hooouuuuse I swear

They were complaining of me AGAIN yes the fucking parents that fucked and made me and they shouldn't have if things would get this way!

just told them i can't wait to leave this hell and dad laughed saying this isn't hell mom said hell is what they go through -___-

please, with way they take out anger on me, i can call my whole fuckin life a living hell.

I'm thinking of running away tomorrow right after school, staying some place else.

Just to see how they react, and maybe it'll open their eyes as to how much I hate them already because of how they treat me.

I can't fucking wait to die.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

2 0 1 0 [Post for January 4]

This year didn't start out so jolly x.x

nothing to be jolly about really xD

My grandma comes home from hospital on wednsday most likely, and well, now things are gonna be a lil harder, a lil more stressful, a lot more work.

I can't stay after school anymore cause of grandma I guess e.e

This meeeaaans, no hanging in Kathe's office after school while doing hw.

Only way I'd be able to stay is if it's necessary, like Ms. Morey's annoyign vocab sessions -.- and those shits I might go during lunch then lie about staying after for them. ahahaha 8D

bleeeh T_T tomorrow feels like its gonna be long...

I'm scared to go to chem class...cuz chem scares me...

I LOVE MY HAIR ATM CAN'T STOP PUTTING FINGERS THROUGH IT!

my hairstylist did such awesome job, and since I haven't gone to her in sooo long cause have been doing my own hair, I fergot just how nice it feels when i go get it done..

Only thing I don't like it the burnt type of smell that comes out when I sweat e.e

I sweat A LOT so XD


meeeeh...I'm actually sleepy cause I know school's tomorrow...and I feel like skipping morey's class but Idk how I would do that, so I'm gonna end up rushing hw in the morning xD and putting any crap in it.

__________________________________________________________________

In the end I said fuck it when i got to school and didn't finish my hw, only added some stuff while eating breakfast in mcdonalds xD

idk if morey checked it, but she was so busy talking to juniors when I came to get my work, I just walked over to wear she had the books we were reading, got my copies out, and left. I had no time for waiting in line to get my work xD she kept the papers, and I could care less about those.

had a lot of hw today, finished at 9 which pissed me off so much, cuz now I can't speak to vince cuz his mom has to do his hair -.- and that takes hours...

bleh...i might go to bed early...MIGHT...

...

got to speak with vince for a few just now xD

just a few though V__V...i might end up going before he gets back ;^;

and ive been thinking about our "friend" myriam and how she's acting so stupid with me e.e like talking to me at times with an attitude that comes out of no where..

like yesterday we were speaking bout some super target store with vince n ashley, and then i mentioned how i never heard of such or seen, and she says "well you're in ny alex what do you expect"

like what does that mean? e_e what do i expect? i don't expect anything, stores like that should be located SOMEWHERE around here, i probably have been to an area with one yet e.e

I've been to regular targets, but not a SUPER target xD that's supposedly a huuuge version of the store itself.

idk but that pissed me off, and she just changes mood to such a pissy one it's annoying, it's gonna come to a point, that when I get the chance, I'm gonna tell her off in front of all our friends, then stop talking to her cause I already see she can't change, we were having same issues with her attitude before, me and vince that is, and he spoke to her about, told her how she was making ppl feel by acting so stupid. and she had promised to stop, now she's getting back into that stage, and I'm not liking it one bit.

bleh...15 minutes left on..or 45 if I get off at 10:30 as usual, or even later -.-''

I wanna go to sleep, but at same time I don't. didn't even get to do anything, besides type here..

i want chicken, and a egg cheese and bacon bagel, and chicken sandwiches and fries and...ugh x.x

lotsa food im getting in the mood for...

luckily im not hungry at all.

Well, I guess that'll be it for tonight.