Friday, January 29, 2010

Was a good day, been a while since it was a good day~

was supposed to hang with an old buddy of mine today :O but she had to cancel cause her dad said he wasn't taking her at last minute -.-''

So instead, like mom suggested, I called Andra (new buddy I recently got in contact with cause of my mom xD) and asked if she wanted to hang, and we did :'D

went to Barnes N' Noble, looked at a BUNCH of journals xD cause she had to buy one, and then i got 3rd volume of dramacon Emoticon Pictures, Images and Photos

we went to sephora afterwards xD then to eat something rl quick, then i got creds from best buy, and flyer, and then flyer from pc richards for dad xD

then came home all happy 8D and going out with her again tomorrow! she's gonna teach me how to do my laundry first though XD

ohhh gosh loool

and well, just finished getting phone call from mom right! and and ;_;

she said some srs touching things man! got me crying, and she cried too!

was telling me how in life i shouldnt get so angry at certain things, just gotta keep walking like nothing with head high and stuff, and that i gotta love myself, and forget about those who come into my life and hurt me, also gotta be careful as to not get used and abused.

she was apologizing for the things she's said to me when angry and said how she knows i probably go around saying "mom's a bitch" and alalala, and that she hurts me cuz she says things without thinking and stuff but that i gotta know she loves me, and will always be there no matter what.

and then she started saying how things are pretty bad and how she feels so bad cuz cant even make sweet 16 party like i wanted ._. and said how will try to make something for me in the summer cuz my bro will probably still help her out. told me how she knows im a good kid and wants me to stay that way and that later on in life when i get a bf or even a gf, whichever way i choose to live my life, for me not to let myself get used, and that to know im always there for her and she said as long as im happy it doesnt matter path i choose ._. (referring to bf/gf thing)

all this was making me cry ;__;

and i have the feeling now that if i end up telling her im bi, she would actually accept!

;____; cuz of that comment she made...

;__________; she made me cry so much man, and for the first time in a like a year, i told her i love her after she said she loves me.

T_T was such touching moment!

was a great day in all basically.

:''3 I'm happy, and its been a while since I've been this way.

now off to searching for cute emotes for me and jesse! 8D

untill next time~ cya ;D!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

xArekkusux: what time u have to get up?
Guest_EZTouch: 8 am?
Guest_EZTouch: my exam is 9:30 am
xArekkusux: x.x.....
Guest_EZTouch: my bodys use to low levels of sleep its just my vision blurs and my eyes turn bloodshot
Guest_EZTouch: but hey its the life of a procrastinator
xArekkusux: wowz...
Guest_EZTouch: yup how old r u two?
xArekkusux: 348
Guest_EZTouch: 34?
xArekkusux: nope, 348
Guest_EZTouch: three hundred and fourty eight?
xArekkusux: yes, must i say it again?
Guest_EZTouch: haha
Guest_EZTouch: cut me a break actually how old r ya
xArekkusux: i just told ya man O:
Guest_EZTouch: lol k fine
Guest_EZTouch: 348 it is
Guest_EZTouch: vampire?
xArekkusux: :3 pfft
Wensente: lolz
xArekkusux: no, just a walking zombie 8]
Wensente: >.<


im in one of those break up phases again, oh joy.

well, hey everyone o:

I've been reading dramacon, as i think most of you know by now, and its inspired me to make my own story.

I'm gonna put myself into the main character, using already a bff of mine's personality in another main character, might use Kat's personality as well o: thinking of using a few more buddies of mine, and putting them into characters i'll eventually come up with.

Its like manga thing I'm doing, so drawing, and drawing, and drawing xD only got a page and a half though, not as quick as I used to be, since it's been a whiiiile since I've done a manga.

I've named it crush, just can't think of a cover xD

since it might be a while before I get to finally show some pages on here, I've decided to type it out.

SO here goes~


The "I love you"s between us were only the for between friends kind. Why should I care? We're both taken....



"pssssst! Caitlin, wake up before she throws a text book at you!"

I opened my eyes slowly, blinking, feeling so dazed from my dream.

"...I'm up" I said, sitting up yawning, then looking towards the side at Devon.

"Told you go to bed early", he said looking at our teacher yell at me while I completely ignored her.

"Yeah, yeah. I know, jeez"

"Next time listen."

"Ok, I will Devon" I rolled my eyes, now hearing what Ms. Anger Management Issues was saying LOUD and CLEAR.


"Yes M'am!" I put on a face acting as if I knew every word she said.

Freakin' kids!...She thought to herself frowning at Caitlin, then turning back to the board and continuing the lesson.

I looked at Devon, he was my best friend...and I've been getting the feeling that I like him.

Though, even if he liked me back, we both knew we couldn't.

I have a girlfriend, and he does too. Most of my friends knew by now, I'm bi and have a girl who's great...but slowly that love's been fading away.

And I feel we barely know each other I have no idea what's going to happen but, we'll see...


That's all I'm writing for now :D please comment on what you think of it, would be awesome~ :3

thats all, laterz.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Test Results

Introverted (I) 55.88% Extroverted (E) 44.12%
Intuitive (N) 55.56% Sensing (S) 44.44%
Feeling (F) 68.75% Thinking (T) 31.25%
Perceiving (P) 54.29% Judging (J) 45.71%


creative, smart, idealist, loner, attracted to sad things, disorganized, avoidant, can be overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings, prone to quitting, prone to feelings of loneliness, ambivalent of the rules, solitary, daydreams about people to maintain a sense of closeness, focus on fantasies, acts without planning, low self confidence, emotionally moody, can feel defective, prone to lateness, likes esoteric things, wounded at the core, feels shame, frequently losing things, prone to sadness, prone to dreaming about a rescuer, disorderly, observer, easily distracted, does not like crowds, can act without thinking, private, can feel uncomfortable around others, familiar with the darkside, hermit, more likely to support marijuana legalization, can sabotage self, likes the rain, sometimes can't control fearful thoughts, prone to crying, prone to regret, attracted to the counter culture, can be submissive, prone to feeling discouraged, frequently second guesses self, not punctual, not always prepared, can feel victimized, prone to confusion, prone to irresponsibility, can be pessimistic

favored careers:
poet, painter, freelance artist, musician, writer, art therapist, teacher (art, music, drama), songwriter, art historian, library assistant, composer, work in the perfoming arts, art curator, playwrite, bookseller, cartoonist, video editor, photographer, philosopher, record store owner, digital artist, cinematographer, costume designer, film producer, philosophy professor, librarian, music therapist, enviromentalist, movie director, activist, bookstore owner, filmmaker

disfavored careers:
business professional, manager, executive, administrator, business owner, supervisor, office manager, business analyst, financial analyst, public relations manager, ceo, executive assistant, judge, event coordinator, lawyer, office worker

Sunday, January 24, 2010



new song to enjoy~

Friday, January 22, 2010

played. streaming. buffering. paused. played. stopped.

been so emotional this week.

it's killin me.

my dad came home upset yesterday cause apparently mom told him the only reason she's still around is because of me, cause im not grown up yet. and that if it wasn't for me she would've been gone a long time ago.

I was shocked when he told me this, shocked because she would actually say that to him not even thinking of how much those words can hurt.

then he got pissed at me cause I apparently answered with an attitude last night while he asked for the toilet thingy for grandma and I said something like "well idk what I'm saying either" when he asked where it was and where i said it was or something like that x.x

then he started yelling at me saying I'm just like mom and that he doesn't need my help so he sent me up to my room.

Pretty stupid cause I didn't even intentionally mean to respond with "an attitude"

today he started saying how I should move in with mom and grandma cause he can't take it anymore and just needs to go else where with my grandmother and yada yada yada yaaaaa

I told him I'm not going with her. I'll just go to my godmother's place, or to my aunt's, or even to my brother's place.

he said I'm too young and someone needs to take care of me and that has to be my parents cause no one else is gonna take me in and I told him repeatedly that I would instead go kill myself so no one has to deal with me, because living with her would be living in hell, with the way she talks to me, takes her anger on me, I wouldn't survive.

I'm about to start crying again.

anyway, the good stuff today was michael walking me home, I got to introduce him to my parents first at dad's store then he came over and met my grandma, let him meet my dog as well xD

it was funny cause kippy kept tickling him when playing.

we drank apple juice together, then showed him my room, and ipod touch, he played rockband on it for a bit, then he played gh world tour on drums, then i joined him on guitar when I found batteries for the other remotes.

we sang together while playing xD

and I kept playing with his hair during breaks cuz it's just so fuzzeh >w< but he's getting it cut this weekend as always so no more fuzzehness on monday.

We had fun, dad appeals of him, mom embarrassed shit outta me though -_-

when we were at the store she shook his hand and said to him "Michael?" he nodded, she continued, "Ohhh Michael, you're a handsome one"

and I twitched, cause I really, REALLY, did NOT expect that.

they were playing dominoes and dad said to her to pay attention and then he joked with michael saying "look what you're doing to my wife, don't take her from me" and he laughed

mom then said something like "I wouldn't mind he's very handsome" -.-'''

She went STRAIGHT ON flirty e____e SICK MAN, SICK.

dad thanked michael for walking me home and mom had called him a gentleman for that x.x

when we left to go to my place he said "that had to be the most flirtatious moment I've ever been in"

I was so embarrassed.

luckily he didn't mind.

now i miss him cause he's like the kinda guy bud i always needed inrl. v.v nice, a gentleman indeed, and just plain easy to talk to :I

this morning i had said something about leaving the school cuz stupid security guards made me throw out my water bottle cuz it was unsealed -.-'''

I got pretty pissed considering its required for me to drink water, 5 bottles a day at the least.

and I freeze mine so it can last longer.

but anyway, when I said that he said no, and i said why no one would miss me anyway

and he said that's not true, that he would v_v

"yes." and he smiled at me warmly.

he's always smiling xD gawsh

makes me wonder if he's ever frowned, i've only see him be serious at times, but no frowning whatsoever.

ooo, i got new mangas btw.

it's been a while.

got four-eyed prince yesterday, read it yesterday, it was funny and good.

and got dramacon today, finished it almost an hour ago, it was really good, i wanna continue buying the other books to the series for both of them. four-eyed prince i think is a pretty recent one though, cuz there was only copies of 1 at barnes n noble, and also it mentioned on one of the pages that i could go to some site to check out when the 2nd one comes out.

well i guess that's about it now.

gnight all, im gonna head to bed

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Help Haiti

Today, after school, we had a Haiti Rally.

About 7 or 9 of us stood on a corner a block away from school holding up posters with numbers to text words to so ppl can donate 10 dollars to an organization that's helping Haiti with their situation.

During that Rally while chanting and asking ppl to donate, I've learned...

there's A LOT of ignorant people in this world. xD

and it's sad

one guy got annoyed with me asking him to donate to Haiti, and he mumbled "omg there's so many of these already" and kept walking and I asked him to please donate, he could save a family, they have nothing over there and they need the help.

while he was walking away I watched, and he gave a thumbs up as I yelled to him, then stuck the middle finger at me


I yelled "YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK YOU TOO, FUUUUCK YOU, I HOPE THE SAME THING HAPPENS TO YOU AND YOU REGRET DOING WHAT YOU JUST DID" I was yelling at him so much my voice cracked, since I'm still getting over my cold and crap.

Harold, and Kemar had to try calming me down and asked wth happened, then junior came while I told them what happened, and junior asked who it was, and i pointed out the dude, and he was heading towards him like he was getting ready to kill the guy o_o

Kemar told me later on on fb about how had he not told junior to chill, he might have gone and raged at the guy xD

but we continued on ranting, no matter how many people ignored us, said they already donated, rolled their eyes at us, or just walked away not giving a damn.

It's a harsh world kids xDD

I'm glad I had this experience though, it opened my eyes as to how so many people can be.

Those who donated are the ones who deserve the applause..

just goes to show how evil and how good people can be.

Giving to those who have nothing, is a great thing to do..

If you'd like to donate,

please text "save" to the number 20222

Or Text "Haiti" to the number 90999

$10 will be charged on your next bill and automatically sent to the Save The Children and American Red Cross Foundations, and that money will be used to help out Haiti whether with food, water, or even help with the rebuilding of their homes.

To find out others, you can go here:

scroll down and click on whichever link and you will get the info on where to text/send donations.

Let's hope things change for the better instead of getting worse.

Monday, January 18, 2010

bah humbug

woke up today to a loud speaking mother who disrupted my dream. which took place in school and had something to do with vocab hw o.o

moving on~

I've been wanting to get back into my aaarrrtttt, had only one pic in my head, still haven't finished it, havent looked at it since yesterday x.x

I'm thinking of getting some more colored pencils, and doing some type of water color thing with them.

the old, dip in water, shake, and color routine. I fergot exactly which school i learned that in BUT DOES IT EVEN MATTER ANYMORE..

noooo v.v

I miss designing clothes, I still wanna make my dream prom/sweet sixteen or

well not exactly make, more like draw it out, carefully, and try getting as close as i can to how i imagine it.

Bet that won't happen anytime soon xD

I'm bored atm, feel irritated for some reason.

my shoulder hurts a bit and my runny nose has been annoying me all day -.-


only got four days of school this week, then monday after that I'm off from school tille feb 1st.


I'm worried about my grades.

and stuff..

stressing over feeling like I know nothing that I'm taught in class x.x


bleh idk what to talk about now x.x well, laterz i guess

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I'm so hard~

I'm addicted to the song Hard by Rihanna now! been playing it on repeat a lot rofl.

Well today school was tiring as usual this week. THANK GAWD FOR NO SCHOOL MONDAY WOOT.

And guess what kids?!

Yes Ms. Alex?!?!



=_= he really is...

I gave him that key chain for christmas that mom n dad forced me to give to all teachers after the break.

Today one of the seniors (whom btw, is one hot asian..) came to see him rl quick, then saw the key chain on the desk, grabbed it and complimented it on how nice it was and stuff. I noticed the key chain was still in the plastic it was when i gave it to Rosser 2 weeks ago, it was to protect before he used it and stuff.

Then he told the senior "oh you want it? you can take it, cause I never wanted it in the first place"

I just stared at him, I didn't even know how to react. Then Rosser turned and saw me staring and the look on his face, I think he knew just what stupid shit he pulled.

I shook my head and said "Ya know Rosser...that's just really messed up how you had to say that in front of me, it would've been better when I wasn't around."

And he said "Oh, I had forgotten who had given it to me, and it's a heavy key chain anyway"

Wtf? It's heavy? Some excuse.

So I said "then give it back to me since you don't want it, I'll take it back." and It was being passed around the table in front of him, the girls were looking at it, then when Steph got it, she gave it to me and I put it in my bag.

Seriously, in my opinion, that was down right disrespectful. At least have the dignity of saying that stuff when I'm not there. The day I gave it to him he kept going "AWWWWW" and acted so happy about it. So when I heard that I was just shocked.

Now he's not getting shit from me

Sure I'll be doing my work in class and be respectful, but I'm not gonna look at him the same way.

I thought he was a person who joked around a lot at first, but I noticed, he's just a bastard.

He even complained today on how he hates kids, and I asked him "then what are you doing here?" and he said "the money, and the summers I get off"

=_= dude, go get a job you actually like, you have to deal with us for the rest of the year. He also claims that he hates our class, why not gtfo then.

I dislike him so much now, and at first I thought he was pretty okay, just had some moments of playing around too much. Now, I know what he's really like. He even gossips badly about other teachers then puts the angel act on when around them. So, I actually shouldn't be so surprised. With way he calls Ms. Moore, Ms. Morey, and Ms. Riordan the 3 bitches then acts like best friends with them when he sees them -.- and how he sticks middle fingers at his own students slyly -_-'' and how he puts them down too not thinking of how they may feel.

Joking is one thing, but at times he goes a bit too far.

Like with mah asian son Jia.

Full Name: Jia Du.

Rosser's version of his name: Jia Don't -> cause apparently he "don't do nothin"

-_- and everyone laughs at him and talks about him as if he's completely stupid.

So he isn't great at chemistry, who the fuck cares, I'm sure everyone else in that class has an issue with at least one class, perhaps that one itself -.-

bleh...Rosser just reminds me of the stupid bullies in elementary school...They care about no one but themselves, and their reputation.

perfect song atm?


go listen~

or...listen here?

Music Playlist at

:3 laterz~

Sunday, January 10, 2010

lord, god, jesus christ, someone take me out

gawd, every weekend i hate it!

Can't wait to be out of this hooouuuuse I swear

They were complaining of me AGAIN yes the fucking parents that fucked and made me and they shouldn't have if things would get this way!

just told them i can't wait to leave this hell and dad laughed saying this isn't hell mom said hell is what they go through -___-

please, with way they take out anger on me, i can call my whole fuckin life a living hell.

I'm thinking of running away tomorrow right after school, staying some place else.

Just to see how they react, and maybe it'll open their eyes as to how much I hate them already because of how they treat me.

I can't fucking wait to die.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

2 0 1 0 [Post for January 4]

This year didn't start out so jolly x.x

nothing to be jolly about really xD

My grandma comes home from hospital on wednsday most likely, and well, now things are gonna be a lil harder, a lil more stressful, a lot more work.

I can't stay after school anymore cause of grandma I guess e.e

This meeeaaans, no hanging in Kathe's office after school while doing hw.

Only way I'd be able to stay is if it's necessary, like Ms. Morey's annoyign vocab sessions -.- and those shits I might go during lunch then lie about staying after for them. ahahaha 8D

bleeeh T_T tomorrow feels like its gonna be long...

I'm scared to go to chem class...cuz chem scares me...


my hairstylist did such awesome job, and since I haven't gone to her in sooo long cause have been doing my own hair, I fergot just how nice it feels when i go get it done..

Only thing I don't like it the burnt type of smell that comes out when I sweat e.e

I sweat A LOT so XD

meeeeh...I'm actually sleepy cause I know school's tomorrow...and I feel like skipping morey's class but Idk how I would do that, so I'm gonna end up rushing hw in the morning xD and putting any crap in it.


In the end I said fuck it when i got to school and didn't finish my hw, only added some stuff while eating breakfast in mcdonalds xD

idk if morey checked it, but she was so busy talking to juniors when I came to get my work, I just walked over to wear she had the books we were reading, got my copies out, and left. I had no time for waiting in line to get my work xD she kept the papers, and I could care less about those.

had a lot of hw today, finished at 9 which pissed me off so much, cuz now I can't speak to vince cuz his mom has to do his hair -.- and that takes hours...

bleh...i might go to bed early...MIGHT...


got to speak with vince for a few just now xD

just a few though V__V...i might end up going before he gets back ;^;

and ive been thinking about our "friend" myriam and how she's acting so stupid with me e.e like talking to me at times with an attitude that comes out of no where..

like yesterday we were speaking bout some super target store with vince n ashley, and then i mentioned how i never heard of such or seen, and she says "well you're in ny alex what do you expect"

like what does that mean? e_e what do i expect? i don't expect anything, stores like that should be located SOMEWHERE around here, i probably have been to an area with one yet e.e

I've been to regular targets, but not a SUPER target xD that's supposedly a huuuge version of the store itself.

idk but that pissed me off, and she just changes mood to such a pissy one it's annoying, it's gonna come to a point, that when I get the chance, I'm gonna tell her off in front of all our friends, then stop talking to her cause I already see she can't change, we were having same issues with her attitude before, me and vince that is, and he spoke to her about, told her how she was making ppl feel by acting so stupid. and she had promised to stop, now she's getting back into that stage, and I'm not liking it one bit.

bleh...15 minutes left on..or 45 if I get off at 10:30 as usual, or even later -.-''

I wanna go to sleep, but at same time I don't. didn't even get to do anything, besides type here..

i want chicken, and a egg cheese and bacon bagel, and chicken sandwiches and fries and...ugh x.x

lotsa food im getting in the mood for...

luckily im not hungry at all.

Well, I guess that'll be it for tonight.