Thursday, April 29, 2010

Oh Joy

Sorry for not posting! (apology mostly for KitKat) xD

I've been busy with homework and stuff. And also been thinking and been too tired. Soon as I finish hw would head to bed. Maybe only stayed on a few after but it wasn't for long.

Lately also been thinking of what exactly is gonna happen to me this summer xD am I going to summer school? how long? will I get my grades up in time? will I get a job? will I sign up for a summer program that gives me one english credit? will I receive the birthday party I wanted this year this summer? will I do well next year in school considering its 2 years in 1? will I be happy in senior year?

I'm such a failure this year gosh x.x

also i might be getting kicked out my house!

cuz of issues with dad AND MY STUPID FUCKING LIAR OF A GRANDMOTHER DOWNSTAIRS WHO CAUSED THIS PROBLEM

so might have to move in with mom -_-

joy joy joy.

anyway yeah.

thats all im writing cuz im tired.

kbye

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Guest_Hottcrystal12889 has joined the chat
Guest_Hottcrystal12889: hi
Guest_Hottcrystal12889: u cheated on me dick asshole fuck you
LoboLunar: o.O
LoboLunar: wtf?
Guest_Hottcrystal12889 has left the chat
Wensente: wow
Wensente: lolz
LoboLunar: wtf XDDDD

Sunday, April 18, 2010

It's All Coming Back To Me

Today, I went to eat breakfast at juniors again with the parents. Mom said some harsh stuff like how supposedly we're not going there for breakfast again and how next time if we do go she's not letting me come along.

Felt like she was saying she doesn't even want me around

but whatever

So yeah :D afterwards we went to ashley stewart and i got some more clothes with my bday money, and also found out i couldnt use all 4 of my coupons, but only 1 -.-

oh well, still got 20% off xD

got some nice stuff

mom says though i should save wearing the new clothes for when, if we do, go on a trip to somewhere

I highly doubt that xD but hey, maybe it'll happen this year.

UGH DAMN IPODS AND APPLE >>>>>X(!!!

sorry -_- i gotta restore my stupid ipod now CUZ OF FREAKIN ITUNES ACTING LIKE SHIT


this is like the hundredth time already. gawd

anyway, after that went to jcpenny to get sandals, got this pair in two colors :D so sexy

also, bought michael a shirt .w.

i have this really bad feeling though that it may be too small xD cuz its a medium and soon as dad saw it he said it wont fit cuz he's someone who would wear large.

>< im just hoping he'll see if it fits and if it doesnt then well D: gonna have to return it i guess. i hope he likes it.....:3 my parents kept teasing me, and my dad was like "getting that for your bf?" and without thinking i said "he's not my bf, yet" while staring at the shirt, and my dad stared at me like "im sorry...what did you just say?" xD he doesnt really want me having a bf but i think if i were to tell him i had one he'd have to go along accepting it eventually xD


_________________________________________________


that was what i wrote yesterday.

sorry, i forgot to finish and post it.

anyway today I showed the shirt to michael xD it's too small, gonna have to buy a new one because mom doesnt know what she did with receipt -_-

but yeah he at least liked it

BUT i get the feeling he likes my friend Kasha, and it's pissing me off >:/

so i feel like i got no damn chance to be with him

but whatever WHATEVER

yeah thats it kbyenow.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

SHIT HAPPENS and that shit needs to die

Today its all anger so fuck you if you don't care, if it annoys you, i don't give a FUCK about your thoughts right now okay.

I would love to go outside get beaten up and then walk home laughing sticking the finger up to the sky, to the whooole world.

I'd like to get beaten up because?

because I just srsly need to get hurt, need to get all this shit in my head released through that kind of pain.

TO THE DICKHEADS READING THIS THINKING OMG SUICIDAL CHICK AHAHAHA: JUST GO FUCK YOURSELF

you don't know SHIT.

Nothing

NADA

so stfu

anywayz

I don't even wanna type out anything that happened I just feel like raging to the bastards the bitches, assholes in this world. They can all get run over by a car.

I'M UGLY TO YOU, OK, SO STOP STARING

I'M TOO FUCKING FAT, I EAT TOO MUCH?

GO BE YOUR SKINNY SELF IDC ANYMORE

I'M SO NICE YOU WANNA TAKE ADVANTAGE?

GO AHEAD, TRY

ugh, I sometimes wish I was killed in some war years ago

I wish the stupid idiots that makes such fucking sick comments towards ppl without even THINKING would just burn off this planet, just go fucking die

DIE DIE DIE

SHOOT YOURSELF DO ME A FAVOR AND GO FUCKING SHOOT YOURSELF, RIGHT NOW

wish the people I call friends wouldn't act like this, say stupid things without thinking

WHEN I GROW UP HERE ARE MY GOALS:

Make clothing for people like ME.

Overweight, with such low self esteem, I want them to all know we're beautiful.

I FINALLY FEEL BEAUTIFUL, I FINALLY FEEL BEAUTIFUL, FINALLY

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY YEARS I'VE HATED MYSELF FOR LOOKING THIS WAY, DO YOU FUCKING KNOW? I'VE HATED MYSELF FOR 9 YEARS. 9!

so fucking long, its almost 10 years by now, I'm only starting to learn to love myself now though.

UGH and parents? PARENTS

learn how to talk to your kid, LEARN TO LISTEN

cause one day you'll regret such words, AND WHEN YOU'RE CHILD'S GONE DON'T COMPLAIN.

I'm so fucking pissed at this moment I'm practically scraping the keyboard.

I wanna rip something, punch something, even kill something.

Whoever reads this blog, think all you want, say all you want, idc idc IDC

Need to spell it out for you?

RIGHT NOW, AT THIS MOMENT,
I
DON'T
CARE
I
DON'T
GIVE
A
FUCK
OK?

right now i just WISH people weren't this way.

right now I wish I was born in some parallel universe, some place happy.












..............

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Breakeven (Falling To Pieces) By: The Script

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing.
Just praying to a God that I don't believe in,
'Cause I got time while she got freedom,
'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't breakeven.

Her best days will be some of my worst.
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first.
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping,
'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven.

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay?
I'm falling to pieces,
I'm falling to pieces.

They say bad things happen for a reason.
But no wise word's gonna stop the bleeding,
'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving.
And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven, even.

And, what am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay?
I'm falling to pieces,
I'm falling to pieces,
I'm falling to pieces,
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces.
('Cause when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain.
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm try and make sense of what little remains,
'Cause you left me with no love, no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing.
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in.
'Cause I got time while she got freedom.
'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break, no it don't breakeven.

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay?
I'm falling to pieces,
I'm falling to pieces,
I'm falling to pieces,
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces.
('Cause when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh it don't breakeven no,
Oh it don't breakeven no,
Oh it don't breakeven no.
________________________________________________________

siiiiiigh, I know I keep mentioning HER xD but I still haven't really let go. uhhh lets see...well i dunno what to talk of.

today was an ok day

downside of my vaca atm is now all the hw i gotta do

x.x

sucks ass.

im thinking of only doing spanish, english and global :s but im failing so i should do all, just to get those extra points...


x.x ugh im just so lazy atm.

and then SHE comes and disrupts my thinking.

she only got one tear out of me today though.

-sigh- i feel like i need someone new...that can make me happy again, but imo its bit too soon.

so im gonna make myself wait.

and just notice myself wishing to have her back in my future.

Friday, April 2, 2010

One More Time

Well, I didn't post what I wanted to post yesterday, so today here it comes.

Yesterday was reeeaally nice outside o.o warm with a breeze here and there, was just an awesome spring day. Then mom called and asked if I wanted her to bring me something to eat and I wasn't sure and told her I wanted to go out to maybe like times square today

Times Square:
http://sporeflections.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/times-square.jpg

but she didn't want me going alone. She said I should go to ashley stewart (clothing store) to see if they have any jean jackets, or just a summer jacket I can use for the summer, or at least for when it starts just getting warmer outside.

Since I felt like walking, I agreed. But then later on mom had stopped by Andra's parents' shop (that new buddy inrl) and then Andra called saying "oh I heard you finished babysitting yesterday so can we make plans" and I told her how I had wanted to go to times square and that mom wanted me to go buy a jacket. and then she asked to tag along and so I let her.

I got myself this jacket ->
100_0546.jpg picture by Arekusandora225

I fell in love with it x.x they had some other stuff too but x.x I didn't get any...I feel like going back today after cleaning

Mom got mad though cause it was short sleeve but I told her over the phone that it was. xD

she probably didn't hear or pay attention well.

Anywayz, Andra, the whole time on our way to times square kept insisting on going to 34th street instead -.- and I kept telling her I had wanted to go to 42nd street and can't just go to some place else, when I told my mom that's where I was going, I wasn't gonna risk it. ugghh she kept complaining e.o like she didn't say it but she complained with way she acted like she was bored and kept mentioning how there were more stores on 34th street and crap.

and I'm just like xD OMG STFU BEFORE I SMACK YOU

I enjoyed going to times square, I like the views, she didn't even let me take pics of those street bands there that I wanted to take pics of. oh but when I took pics of her it was happy happy joy joy -.-

I was being very passive aggressive with this girl xD (Kathleen may be proud of me pointing this out ;D [Girls Group FTW])

anywayz

later on when buying food, I told her we had to leave at 5 pm, because it's gonna take a while to get home. And she was all "no we leave at 5:20 cause it only took like 30 minutes to get here.

and im all /facepalm, ok latest we leave is 5:15, we ended up leaving at time she wanted i believe, then on the train she noticed the time and how long it was taking and was like "omg I'm gonna run home" and I told her I'm sorry but I am NOT running with you xD my feet hurt and I can't run for long cause of my asthma. and I told her that's why I wanted to leave at 5 pm, cause I KNEW this was gonna take long.

But noo nooo, don't listen to me -.- the one that happens to take this transportation for school.

So yeah, when we got out we only had like 10, 15 minutes to walk down like 4 avenues xD

and so I tell her to call her parents, let them know we're walking down.

She gets off the phone afterwards and tells me that she told them we were an avenue closer than what we really were so they wouldn't be so angry -.-'''

and im like WTF? WHY WOULD YOU TELL THEM THAT X.X

and she said she had to cause she has to be there by 6pm, and if she's a minute late she can't go anywhere anymore alalala blah blah blah and I'm just like so saying we're closer to home than we really are is gonna make all this better for you? -.-

and she continued on with her oh its fine cuz it wont take long getting to that avenue, and that her mom knows she walks slowly alalala and I kept repeating you liiieeed, if they think we are taking to long they are gonna know you liiiieeed,

that not only gets her in trouble but me too! because then they are gonna suspect that I am also a liar and then get pissed at me cuz they'll think I supported her into doing that.

I got so fuckin pissed I swear xD

When I got home I told my parents and they said I gotta tell her not to do that. So next time we go out I'm telling her if she lies again to her parents I'm not gonna wanna go out with her anymore, cause I don't lie to my parents when going places, and I'm not gonna support her in doing so so I can get in trouble too -.- no.

She annoyed me so much yesterday like ugh, that's why I wanted to just go out alone, could listen to my music and not have to deal with this chick's complaining and crap xD

I'm not sure if I wanna make plans with her anytime soon again e_e for now I wanna be going out alone.

I feel like isolating myself from others when going out cause I just feel I need to be left alone.

Been feeling like this since the breakup x'D and I laugh about it, cause I feel like I've gone a bit mad.

anywayz, I guess that's all for today?

that stuff all happened yesterday with Andra x.x but fergot to post and when it got late I was too tired to bother typing all that.

Thanks again to Jesser for that Lockerz site O: I'm aiming for some ptz over 4000, I want a lot of stuff they got there lawl xD

Also had dream with Jesser again, but I feel that'll have to be told to him only :I

ALSO:

I think I'm becoming more girly...

I'M STARTING TO LIKE SHOPPING FOR CLOTHES, FUCK

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Points of the day

1) lost one of my best friends

2) feel shitty

3) want to go jump into a pool of water and stay there to just see how long I can last without suffocating

4) feel like crying but can't?

5) miss someone I don't wanna miss anymore

6) whyyyy do I bother?

7) I regret it all


Alright well today's April Fools Day

I called my dad and told him I'm pregnant and he believed it.

then when I said april fools he was just angry that I fooled him like that xD

It was funny.

and I guess that was the only upside of the day.

I'm done here,

oh and also..

still trying to ferget about mikee, maybe that's why I'm acting so gullible and shit, saying I'm in love with any person that walks my way and says they like me.

Srsly, I need to control myself

My mouth sure made me lose a lot

I need to sleep this off..

fuck my life x.x ugh